Magazine
What to Do When Your Toddler Finds a Baby Finch in the Grass
It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday and I'm staring at what looks like a hairy jellybean on my concrete patio. My 11-month-old daughter is currently operating in her standard 'Roomba mode,' rapidly crawling toward the jellybean with her mouth wide...
Safe Baby Dice: Why We Banned Regular D&D Sets At Home
Tuesday night, 8:43 PM. I'm wearing yoga pants permanently stained with breastmilk and a three-day-old messy bun that's defying gravity. My husband, Dave, is mid-sentence explaining how his half-elf rogue is going to pick the lock on the dungeon door,...
Tears at Teatime: Why Your Infant Turns Feeding Into A Drama
I once tried to solve a mid-feed meltdown by aggressively bouncing on a pilates ball while simultaneously singing an out-of-tune rendition of Oasis and trying to force a silicone teat into a mouth that was currently shaped like a right...
Dear Past Me: Read This Before Buying An Infant Name Bracelet
Dear Sarah from six months ago. I know exactly where you're standing right now. It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, and you're in the kitchen wearing Dave's gray Villanova hoodie with the mystery yogurt stain on the cuff. You're holding...
My 11-month-old's baby boy socks are a hardware flaw I finally fixed
I'm currently staring at a pile of exactly fourteen orphan pieces of miniature footwear on my living room rug. My son is eleven months old, which means we've dropped roughly 1.2 items from our inventory every single week since we...
How to Survive the Baby Blue Tuxedo Phase Without a Meltdown
There I was, standing in the vestibule of St. Jude’s Catholic Church at exactly 1:42 PM on a sweltering Saturday in May, trying to peel a 100% rigid polyester jacket off my screaming eighteen-month-old son, Leo. My own dress—some floral...
How I Found the Right Baby Back Ribs Done Temp for My Toddler
Smoke is stinging my left eye, my digital meat thermometer is flashing 145 degrees, and Sarah is holding our 11-month-old who's currently attempting to eat his own foot on the patio. The grill is hissing. My phone is buzzing with...
The Late-Night Google Search That Broke My Brain
It was 11:42 PM on a Tuesday, and I was frantically debugging my son's upcoming Halloween costume from the faint glow of my phone screen while he slept in the next room. He's 11 months old now, which means he's...
What I Learned After Panicking Over Baby Lady Bugs
Whatever you do, please don't scream, snatch your eleven-month-old up like a football, and attempt to aggressively stomp a tiny, spiky, black-and-orange alien insect into the damp Portland mud while wearing your only clean pair of socks. I executed this...