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Do Babies Have Kneecaps? Surviving the Kitchen Tile Crawling Era
The sound of a two-foot-tall human slamming knee-first into Victorian ceramic tile is a noise that bypasses the eardrum and registers directly in the parent's soul. It's a wet, hollow thud that makes you instantly calculate the distance to the...
Why Dutch Baby Pancakes Actually Saved My Sanity on a Tuesday
It was 5:43 AM and I was wearing a pair of maternity leggings that I definitely should have retired in 2019. There was a weird crusty spot on the left knee that was either dried oatmeal or... actually, I don't...
The Truth About the Baby Steps Game Uncensored Search Trend
I'm sitting on the floor of our extremely cramped London living room, scraping a substance that might be mashed banana (but is almost certainly worse) off my left knee, when my phone buzzes with a frantic text from my sister....
Dear Past Me: Do Not Let Your Kid Touch That Tiny Wild Reptile
Dear Sarah of last May. You're currently standing on the muddy shoulder of the Wissahickon creek trail, balancing a tepid Yeti mug of dark roast on your yoga pants-clad knee, utterly paralyzed. Leo is pointing a grubby four-year-old finger at...
Dear Past Tom: Surviving the Baby Saja Netflix Obsession
Dear Tom of exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the battered grey sofa in our Islington flat, smugly sipping a lukewarm cup of PG Tips. The twins are peacefully napping, and you're thinking to yourself that you've finally...
Why The Baby Rubber Plant Is Perfect For Your Nursery
I was on my hands and knees scraping wet potting soil out of my relatively clean nursery rug with a plastic spoon when I realized the plant industry is actively trying to trick us. My oldest, Tyler, was ten months...
The Brutal Truth About Pacifiers When Everyone Has an Opinion
I was sitting in the hospital bed on day two with my oldest, icing parts of my body I didn't know could swell, when the advice assault began. The hospital lactation consultant pointed a stern finger at my overnight bag...
The "Baby Jane" Effect: Surviving the Psychological Thriller of Par...
It's 3:14 AM, the nursery is exactly 69.4 degrees according to my three separate thermometers, and outside my window, the Portland rain sounds like static. I'm sitting cross-legged on the rug, barely breathing, watching the chest of my 11-month-old daughter...
Oh Baby I Love Your Way: How Infants Actually Show Affection
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and the apartment was absolutely freezing. I was standing in the middle of our tiny hallway wearing my husband Daveβs hideous neon orange high school track shirtβthe one that smells permanently...