Magazine
Why we are all lying about the dreaded tablet toddler phase
Listen, we're sitting at a loud brunch spot off the Blue Line, and my son decides the texture of his waffle is deeply offensive. He throws it on the floor. He starts winding up for that specific, ear-piercing shriek that...
What 'The Baby 1973' Taught Me About Letting My Kids Grow Up
I was elbow-deep in a mountain of crusty toddler pants at eleven o'clock on a Tuesday, stress-eating stale Goldfish crackers while waiting for Etsy orders to print, when an old late-night movie caught my eye. Have y'all ever heard of...
The 3 AM Breakdown When I Realized That The Baby Is Actually You
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the cold linoleum of my hallway, sobbing into a burp cloth that smelled heavily of sour milk. My oldest son, Wyatt—who now at age four is a perfectly...
When The Baby Sister Strikes Back: A Dad's Guide to Sibling Survival
When we first found out we were having twins, which is essentially the experience of introducing a new baby to another baby who's exactly the same age and equally furious about it, the unsolicited advice began rolling in like fog...
The Leaks Lil Baby: Surviving The Midnight Diaper Blowouts
The smell of ammonia always hits you before the wetness does. It was three in the morning. My toddler was standing in his crib, sobbing softly, completely drenched from the ribs down. I stood there in the dark, calculating how...
The 3 AM Googling Incident: My Real Throat Baby Troubleshooting
It was 3:14 AM when the bassinet started emitting a noise I can only describe as a percolating aquarium filter. Our 11-month-old son was asleep, but he was rattling with every exhale. I grabbed my phone, turned the brightness all...
What A Million Dollar Baby Actually Costs (And Sounds Like)
Traffic on Lake Shore Drive is at a dead stop. My toddler is aggressively kicking the back of my seat in perfect time to the bass thumping from the radio. It's that Tommy Richman track. You know the one. Before...
Dear Past Priya: The Brutal Truth About Your Transverse Baby
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're sitting on the crinkly paper of exam table three at Northwestern. The ultrasound gel on your stomach feels like ice. The tech has that slightly tight smile on her face as she moves...
How To Actually Survive Your Trench Baby Without Losing Your Mind
It was three in the morning and the Chicago winter wind was violently rattling our bedroom window. I was sitting on the edge of the mattress, glaring at my phone screen in the dark. I had three different tracking apps...