Magazine
Why outfitting a newborn baby boy feels like a hostage negotiation
It was day four. I was sleep-deprived to the point of mild hallucinations, standing over the changing pad in the dark. I unzipped his fleece sleeper, and a perfect arc of warm urine hit me directly in the collarbone. That...
Debugging the Perfect New Baby Wish (Without Sounding Unhinged)
When my friend Dave's wife had a baby last month, I asked three different people what I should write in the card, which was my first mistake. My project manager told me to keep it strictly professional and focus on...
Why The Nestle Baby Formula Drama Has Me Completely Stressed
My sister was sitting on my kitchen floor yesterday, absolutely sobbing over a tin of white powder while her six-week-old screamed in a bouncy seat, and honestly, I've never felt more seen. I was standing there in my yoga pants...
Why I’m Actively Trying to Turn My Twins Into Nepotism Babies
I was halfway through a tepid mug of black tea, reading an outrage-bait article about yet another famous twenty-something landing a massive film role simply because her father is a beloved nineties sitcom star, when one of my two-year-old daughters...
A London Dad's Nepo Baby Definition: Toddlers and Privilege
We're twenty-two minutes into the great Tupperware standoff of a rainy Tuesday morning. Maya is sitting on the rug, red-faced, grunting, and aggressively trying to pry the blue plastic lid off her container of blueberries. It's taking her forever, and...
Is the Nanit Pro Smart Baby Monitor Actually Worth the Price?
People love to tell you that dropping four hundred dollars on a high-tech camera is going to instantly cure your postpartum anxiety, but they're lying to your face. I bought into that myth completely with my oldest. Bless his heart,...
Dear Me: Surviving The Naked Baby Girl Phase With Twins
Dear Tom of exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the sofa, smugly drinking a tepid cup of tea while Evie and Isla sit peacefully on the rug, fully clothed in matching corduroy dungarees. You think you've this twin...
My Gangster Baby Daddy Pampers Me To Paradise: Real Dad Take
"Just let her sleep when the baby sleeps," my mom told me over FaceTime, which is mathematically impossible unless I also figure out how to sleep when the baby sleeps, and then who exactly is watching the dog or paying...
Commuter Train Chaos With An Infant And Other Truths
I'm standing on the train platform at 8:12 AM on a Tuesday, wearing a trench coat that has a crusty streak of spit-up on the left lapel, and I'm clutching a lukewarm coffee like it's a flotation device in open...