Magazine

A frustrated dad looking at a thick knit baby romper without crotch snaps.

The Day a Snapless Sweater Romper Broke My Parenting Firmware

I'm standing in the incredibly cramped, dimly lit bathroom of a Stumptown Coffee on Belmont, holding my 11-month-old son suspended in mid-air like a ticking bomb. He has just experienced a Level 4 containment breach. The payload has escaped the...

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A messy living room floor with a round waterproof baby mat and wooden toys.

How I Finally Found a Play Activity Mat That Did Not Drive Me Crazy

When I was pregnant with my oldest, Tucker, I swear everybody had a loud opinion on where exactly the baby was supposed to exist when I wasn't holding him. My grandmother told me to just throw a handmade quilt on...

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A confused dad holding a toddler's anti-allergy duvet while looking at a smart room thermometer.

Debugging infant sniffles: My search for an allergie bettdecke

It's 3:14 AM and I'm watching the infrared feed on the baby monitor like a security guard waiting for a museum heist. The audio feed is just a continuous, wet, whistling sound. My eleven-month-old sounds exactly like our espresso machine...

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A dad looking confused at a thermometer while his baby sleeps under a wool blanket

Why I Googled Decke Merinowolle at 3 AM to Stop Baby Sweats

It was 2:43 AM on a Tuesday in late November. Rain was furiously hammering the window of our Portland duplex, and I was standing over my 11-month-old son’s crib holding a digital infrared meat thermometer. He was screaming, obviously, but...

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Priya holding a folded knit baby blanket next to a wooden crib

Finding the perfect größe babydecke without losing your mind

We were somewhere between Terminal 3 and the long walk to the American Airlines gates at O'Hare when I realized my mistake. It was January. Chicago was doing that thing where the air hurts your face and the ground is...

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A spilled cup of coffee next to a locked tablet on a kitchen floor

How A Baby Ashlee OnlyFans Search Completely Changed My Screen Rules

It was exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the specific patch of our kitchen floor where the grout has been missing since 2019. I was wearing yoga pants that definitely had a crusty yogurt stain...

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Vintage Ty plush toys sitting on a nursery shelf next to modern organic baby products

Finding An August 3rd Beanie Baby: The Truth About Birthday Twins

It was exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was wearing Dave’s grey college track pants with a crusty spot of peach yogurt on the left knee, and I was literally locked in a high-stakes bidding war with a stranger...

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A vintage stuffed dinosaur sitting on a wooden nursery shelf next to organic baby clothes.

Troubleshooting the August 24th Beanie Baby Birthday Tradition

My mother told me I had to find a plush toy with his exact birthdate printed on the tag because it's a sacred childhood tradition that builds character. My wife told me absolutely not to bring a dust-mite-infested nineties relic...

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Baby playing independently with wooden toys on a soft organic playmat

Why I Stopped Entertaining My Baby (And What Happened Next)

I was sitting on my living room floor in a puddle of my own postpartum sweat, aggressively waving a black-and-white high-contrast flashcard in my oldest son’s face. He was eight months old at the time and violently uninterested, choosing instead...

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