To Past Jess: What to Know About That September 24th Birthday Plush
Dear Jess of six months ago: Right now, you're sitting cross-legged on the sticky floor of the Goodwill on Highway 84, aggressively Googling plush toy birthdates while your youngest tries to eat a rogue Cheeto off your shoe. You just...
The Truth About Gifting an October 24th Birthday Twin
My mother-in-law unzipped her floral weekender bag and pulled out a vacuum-sealed plastic pouch with the solemnity of someone handling a transplant organ. Inside was a slightly crushed, orange and black plush cat. She had spent three weeks scouring the...
October 16 Beanie Baby Nostalgia: Cute Decor or Safety Hazard?
I was twenty-eight weeks pregnant, sweating through my maternity shorts in my mom’s un-air-conditioned Texas attic, when she pulled out the holy grail of our 1990s retirement plan: a massive, cracked plastic tub full of Beanie Babies. I was up...
The October 10th Retro Plushie Incident (And Other Dad Fails)
The postie arrived at exactly 10:14 am on a grim Tuesday morning, thrusting a slightly damp cardboard box into my hands with the weary expression of a man who knows my house receives entirely too many parcels. It was the...
Why gifting a vintage november 24th beanie baby gives me hives
I watched my sister-in-law unearth a vacuum-sealed plastic bag at my baby shower, her eyes shining with that specific millennial nostalgia that usually precedes a terrible financial decision. She pulled out a dusty plush turkey from 1997. She proudly announced...
A Letter to Myself About the Absurdity of Smocked Baby Clothes
Dear Tom of six months ago. I know exactly where you're right now. You're standing in the upstairs bathroom at your mother-in-law's house, holding Maya at arm's length over the porcelain sink. You're staring at a £75 hand-smocked, pale blue...
The reality of vintage infant dresses: A dad's survival guide
I'm currently sweating profusely in the back of a moderately priced Italian restaurant in zone three, trying to force a writhing twenty-four-month-old's chubby arm through a rigid sleeve made of 1950s stiffened lace. My daughter, sensing my rising panic, arches...
Why I Finally Put My Kid in Vintage Shirts (And Didn't Panic)
I was standing in the middle of our living room holding a 1993 Soundgarden tour tee with a pair of silicone kitchen tongs. My wife, Sarah, was watching me from the hallway with the exact same expression she uses when...
Wholesale Vintage T Shirts: The Toxic Secret You Need To Know
The biggest myth in modern parenting is that you're somehow failing the planet if you aren't dressing your toddler in authentic, perfectly faded 1980s band tees you scored from a thrift bin. I believed this myth so deeply that two...