Why That Baby Star They Regret Losing Drama Wrecked My Sleep
The blue light from my cracked iPhone screen was violently illuminating the dried spit-up on my shoulder, and the microwave clock in the kitchen read exactly 3:14 AM. I was pinned under an eighteen-pound milk-drunk four-month-old, my legs were entirely...
What the Gisele Bundchen Baby News Taught Me About Over-40 Pregnancy
It was a Tuesday, I was wearing yoga pants with an unidentifiable yogurt stain on the left knee, standing in the aisle at Target staring blankly at diaper cream when three different people gave me completely contradicting advice about having...
What nobody tells you about that first postpartum menstrual cycle
Listen, the biggest lie anyone will ever tell you in those hazy early days is that nursing your baby is a foolproof way to pause your menstrual cycle for a year. I was sitting on my toilet in our cramped...
The Reality of Sparkle Megan's Baby Reveal (From a Tired Dad)
Dear Marcus of six months ago. It's currently 3:14 AM, the rain is aggressively battering the Portland windows, and you're sitting in the glider chair trying to figure out if breathing too loudly will wake up the tiny human currently...
Baby Pips & Blowouts: The Honest Newborn Prep Letter I Needed
I'm sitting on the icy tile of our tiny upstairs bathroom. It's 3:17 AM. I know the exact time because the harsh blue light of my phone is the only thing illuminating the dark, and I'm wearing my husband Dave's...
Decoding The Postpartum Truth In Baby Justin Bieber Lyrics
It's three in the morning in a Chicago winter. The radiator is hissing, the baby is screaming in a frequency that vibrates my actual teeth, and for reasons I can no longer trace, my Spotify algorithm has decided to queue...
Reading a Baby Blues Comic Today Won't Save You From the Crash
It's 3:14 am. I'm standing in our freezing London kitchen, crying silently over a piece of cold toast. Not because the toast is particularly tragic, but because the kettle made a slightly aggressive hissing sound and the sheer audacity of...
The Happy Baby Carrier Hype Unpacked By A Very Tired Nurse
My mother-in-law warned me that wearing him would ruin his spine. My doula acted like putting him down in a bassinet would permanently damage his attachment style. The mom in my baby yoga class claimed the happy baby brand carrier...
Why nobody warns you about ugly babies and how to survive them
I spent four hours in the maternity ward trying to find an Instagram filter that would make my son look less like a bruised, angry potato. I know we aren't supposed to say that out loud. You're supposed to weep...