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Why Super Creek Goo Goo Babies Isn't The Parenting Trend You Think
I was elbow-deep in a basket of mismatched toddler socks yesterday, trying to figure out how a house with five people produces seventy-three single left socks, when my fourteen-year-old nephew snorted from the couch. He was supposed to be helping...
Taylor Swift Baby: Surviving Pop Culture With Twins
I was quite literally elbow-deep in silver sequins and non-toxic fabric glue at a quarter to eleven on a Tuesday night when my wife casually dropped the magazine on the kitchen island. The headline was screaming about the latest Travis...
Why The Boss Baby Movie Is A Brutally Accurate Medical Drama
It was six in the evening. The Chicago wind was doing that thing where it aggressively rattles the windowpanes just to remind you that going outside is a terrible idea. My toddler was sitting on my knee, methodically crushing a...
Is That Milk Or Thrush? A Dad’s Guide To The White Tongue Panic
My mother-in-law told me it was just leftover milk and to leave it alone. The triage nurse on the pediatric hotline asked if my wife's nipples felt like they were on fire. A guy on a Portland dads' subreddit told...
The Messy Reality of a Tongue Tie Baby: A Dad's Survival Guide
The first time someone suggested our daughter's mouth was structurally defective, we were sitting in a sweltering hospital side-room smelling faintly of industrial bleach and desperation. We received exactly three pieces of conflicting advice within a single twenty-four-hour period, which...
Tylenol for Babies: What I Wish I Knew Before the 3 AM Fever Spike
Dear Marcus from six months ago. You're currently standing barefoot on the cold hardwood floor of the nursery at 3:17 AM. You're holding a sticky plastic syringe filled with an unnervingly bright purple liquid. Your wife is gently rocking a...
System Failure at 3 AM: HM Baby Clothes and Newborn Survival
The poop had somehow achieved terminal velocity. It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my two-week-old daughter was lying on her changing pad, screaming with the piercing intensity of a malfunctioning smoke detector. The payload had defied all known...
Surviving the Minefield of Hispanic Baby Girl Names
The greatest lie they peddle in those glossy parenting magazines—usually the ones featuring a serene mother in white linen looking lovingly at a perfectly clean infant—is that picking a name for your child is a beautiful, intuitive process. They suggest...
The Real Cost of Saying Hello Baby: Surviving the First Weeks
I was standing in my kitchen at 3:17 AM wearing a stained nursing bra and my husband's old high school track shorts, violently bouncing my screaming oldest child while crying into a cold cup of chamomile tea. The dog was...