When Do Babies Finally Learn To Hold Their Own Bottle?
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing a stained College of Charleston t-shirt that smelled heavily of sour milk and sheer exhaustion. Leo, who was about five months old at the time, was doing this infuriating...
Debugging The Drool Firmware: When Do Babies Teeth Come In?
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the Portland rain was actively mocking my sanity by drumming a steady, chaotic beat against the bedroom window. The baby, who usually just gives a polite little squawk when he wants milk,...
The Great Crawling Myth: When Do Infants Actually Start Moving?
I was literally sitting on our living room rug with a stopwatch and a spreadsheet. My daughter was exactly eight months and four days old, lying perfectly still on her stomach, looking at me like I had lost my mind....
The Ugly Truth About Figuring Out Early Infant Tooth Brushing
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago: Put down your lukewarm half-caf oat milk flat white, stop scrolling through Instagram reels of perfectly beige minimalist nurseries, and listen to me. Because right now, you're sitting in the ridiculously brightly colored...
Where Do Babies Come From: Surviving The Ultimate Toddler Question
We're idling on the Kennedy expressway, somewhere near the loop, when the question hits the back of my head like a stray wooden block. She's pointing out the window at a heavily pregnant woman walking a golden retriever. She looks...
Parenting 101: Why Did Galactus Want the Baby? (A Dad's Take)
It was 3:14 in the morning on a aggressively damp Tuesday when I found myself standing in the kitchen, gently swaying Twin A while attempting to read Marvel lore on my phone at twelve percent brightness. She was doing an...
Alexa, Stop: Navigating The Yes Baby Madison Beer Lyrics Trap
Dear Jess from last October. I know you're currently up to your elbows in mismatched socks, feeling pretty smug because the kids are actually playing quietly in the den for once. You think you've got this whole mothering-three-kids-under-five thing figured...
Why We Chose Southern Baby Girl Names for London Twins
Picture the exact opposite of a sun-drenched veranda in Savannah. It's 3:47 in the morning at a central London hospital. Outside, the rain is aggressively lashing against the window in that distinctly British, soul-destroying way that makes you question why...
The brutal truth about surviving winter with two snow babies
It's currently two degrees above freezing, it's raining sideways in that aggressively spiteful London way, and I'm trying to fold a screaming infant into a pram while she's wearing an outfit that has the exact dimensions and flexibility of a...