Buying a Fußsack Kinderwagen Winter Neugeborene? Read This
It was mid-February, it was maybe fourteen degrees outside, and I was standing on the sidewalk in front of our local bakery crying into a lukewarm cappuccino. Leo was exactly three weeks old. I was wearing maternity leggings that had...
The Day I Threw Out Every Plastic Plate in My House
There was spaghetti sauce on the ceiling. I'm still not entirely sure how the physics of it worked, but my oldest—who is the cautionary tale for 90% of my parenting decisions—had just execute a flawless, unprovoked karate kick to the...
Debugging Tummy Time: What You Actually Need From A Baby Mat
There's this deeply embedded cultural myth that to successfully raise a functional human infant, you must provide them with a floor space that looks and sounds exactly like a Las Vegas casino. When Leo was about two months old, I...
The Truth About Funny Baby Rompers When You Have Twins
The left leg is pinned down, the right leg is currently bicycle-kicking my jaw, and I'm staring at a bright yellow chest piece that boldly proclaims, "Ich schreie nicht, ich bestelle Essen" (I'm not crying, I'm ordering food). It's 3:42...
A letter to past Tom regarding the babyrassel aus holz trend
Dear Tom from eighteen months ago. You're currently standing in the kitchen of the flat in Highbury at 3:14 in the morning, holding a bag of frozen peas against Florence’s surprisingly robust forehead while Matilda screams from the other room...
Surviving the Floppy Head Phase With a Wrap-Style Baby Outfit
I'm sweating entirely through my gray t-shirt in Room 402 of Legacy Emanuel hospital. My daughter is exactly 36 hours old, and I'm holding a piece of yellow cotton with a neck hole that looks roughly the size of a...
How a Simple Penguin Blanket Saved My Sanity and My Marriage
It was 2:14 AM and I was literally hovering over the Motorola baby monitor, zooming in on my oldest son's pixelated chest to make sure it was still rising and falling. The thermostat in our drafty Texas farmhouse said 62...
Surviving Weaning and the Tactical Genius of a Lätzchen mit Namen
I'm currently staring at a smear of pureed pumpkin that has somehow defied gravity to reach the ceiling rose of our Victorian terrace. It's seven in the morning on a Tuesday, and one of the twins—I'm fairly certain it's Florence,...
The Massive Infant Merino Lie That Cost Me Months of Sleep
It's precisely 3:14 am, and I'm standing in a dimly lit nursery holding what feels like a highly agitated, damp jacket potato. Maya, the twin who's currently screaming directly into my left ear canal, is wearing a polyester fleece sleep...