Magazine

Dad holding a teething toy in front of a blue patterned nursery wall

Why We Tore Down The Nursery Walls At 3 AM For Blue Paper

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at a wall painted a shade the DIY shop had optimistically called 'Sunshine Morning' but which, in the harsh glow of a dimmable nightlight, looked more like 'Aggressive Custard'....

Read more

Taylor Big Baby guitar next to a ten-pound newborn in a Texas nursery

Why A Taylor Big Baby Fits My Nursery & My Ten-Pound Infant

Don't let your overly enthusiastic mother-in-law convince you to buy forty boxes of Size N diapers when your doctor says you're measuring three weeks ahead, y'all. I'm just gonna be real with you, that massive tower of pristine white Huggies...

Read more

A vintage plush toy sitting safely on a high nursery shelf away from the crib

Why gifting a vintage november 24th beanie baby gives me hives

I watched my sister-in-law unearth a vacuum-sealed plastic bag at my baby shower, her eyes shining with that specific millennial nostalgia that usually precedes a terrible financial decision. She pulled out a dusty plush turkey from 1997. She proudly announced...

Read more

A wooden baby play gym set up in a cozy living room

What a Tiny Baby Lemur Taught Me About Motherhood and Survival

Don't, under any circumstances, let your highly impressionable four-year-old watch a nature documentary about the rainforest forty-five minutes before lights out, unless you want to spend the next two weeks of your life explaining why a baby lemur can't sleep...

Read more

Stressed mom holding a baby while looking at a laptop and drinking coffee

When Katie And Bill Consult Lawyer About Luna's Baby Custody

I'm up to my elbows in matched toddler socks—which is to say, exactly three pairs and forty singles—when I hear the TV blaring from the living room. My mom is visiting to help out, and she's got The Bold and...

Read more

Tired father looking suspiciously at a padded baby nest on the living room floor.

The Great Padded Donut Deception: A Father's Baby Nest Confession

I was standing in the middle of our cramped London flat at 3:17 a.m., holding what looked like an oversized, over-engineered dog bed, desperately trying to remember which twin I had just fed. Maya was wailing from the Moses basket,...

Read more

A tired dad staring confused at an ultrasound printout on his desk

When Can You Tell the Gender of a Baby? A Dad's Data Timeline

I was sitting in my ergonomic office chair, hitting CMD+R on my Gmail inbox every forty seconds like I was waiting for a server deployment to finish. We were at week ten of the pregnancy. Somewhere in the cloud, a...

Read more

A translucent baby scorpion next to an infant crib leg.

Debugging the Desert: Surviving a Baby Scorpion in the Nursery

It was 2:14 AM in Scottsdale, Arizona, and I was scanning the baseboards of our Airbnb with a blacklight flashlight I had overnighted from Amazon, looking for what I can only describe as a hardware glitch in nature. My 11-month-old...

Read more

Marcus looking at a tiny white baby termite on the bathroom floor with a flashlight

Dear Past Marcus: Those Aren't Pale Ants, They're Baby Termites

Dear Marcus of exactly six months ago: Put down the flashlight. That tiny, pale, squirming thing you're currently poking with a cotton swab at 2:14 AM on the bathroom tile is not an albino ant. It's a baby termite. Don't...

Read more