Magazine

Tired dad staring at a laptop in a dark nursery with a baby monitor

3 AM Server Logs and Unexpected Pediatric Data from Paris Hilton

Dear Marcus of Six Months Ago, You're currently sitting in the dark in our Portland apartment, illuminated only by the harsh blue glow of the baby monitor and a half-empty mug of coffee you microwaved three times and still forgot...

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Dusty purple Princess Diana Beanie Baby sitting on an attic storage bin

The Brutal Truth About That Purple 90s Bear in Your Attic

I was standing in my mother’s oppressively hot, dust-choked attic at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, wearing my husband Dave’s stained Villanova hoodie because I was freezing despite the heat, sneezing so violently I thought my brain might...

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Mom holding a baby in a simple wrap carrier at the airport.

The Suki Baby Trend: What Touring Rockstars Forget to Tell You

I was standing in Terminal B at DFW airport, dripping sweat onto my carry-on bag, trying to figure out which of the fourteen plastic clips on my baby carrier was currently digging a trench into my left rib. I had...

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Stressed dad in a hospital room holding an 11-month-old baby while researching whimsical naming ideas on a smartphone.

The Hospital Wi-Fi Stalled Our Magic Baby Names

The fluorescent light in room 412 of Providence Hospital had this specific 60-hertz hum that was drilling directly into my sleep-deprived prefrontal cortex. I had a lukewarm, terrible cafeteria coffee in one hand and a state-mandated birth certificate form in...

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Sarah holding a yellow bottle of baby shampoo while her toddler splashes water everywhere in a messy bathtub.

The Big Myth About Johnson Baby Shampoo (And What I Use Now)

I was sitting on the cold, unforgiving bathroom tile in my favorite pair of ancient, bleach-stained yoga pants. It was exactly 8:14 PM on a Tuesday. Maya, who was two at the time and going through a truly unhinged phase...

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A tired mother sitting on a rug surrounded by wooden toys and baby clothes

JD Vance baby: The messy truth about waiting for the perfect time

Listen. It's 3 AM. The radiator in our Chicago apartment sounds like a dying car engine, and my toddler has decided sleep is an offensive concept. I'm sitting in the dark, watching my phone screen illuminate the spit-up stain on...

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A tired mother looking at a glowing smartphone while a toddler sits nearby

Why explicit industry baby lyrics are ruining my mornings now

The digital clock said 5:42 AM. The sky over Chicago was the color of wet concrete, and my coffee hadn't even finished dripping. I turned my back for three seconds to grab a mug. That was enough time for my...

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A tired dad holding a swaddled baby in a dimly lit nursery

Why Selena Gomez Replaced Traditional Lullabies In My House

I'm standing on the specific landing floorboard I know doesn't creak, doing the desperate, rhythmic sway of a man who hasn't slept a full night since 2021. Maya is draped over my left shoulder, drooling a small, warm lake into...

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Exhausted mom singing into a wooden spoon while a toddler pulls her leg.

I Can Be Your Hero Baby: Why the Supermom Myth is Total Trash

I was standing at the kitchen sink yesterday, elbow-deep in cold dishwater and crusted oatmeal, when my throwback playlist shuffled to Enrique Iglesias. Right as he dramatically whispered that he can be your hero, baby, I actually snorted so loud...

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