Reading Detransition Baby Changed How I Look at Modern Motherhood
I'm literally sitting on my hideous green velvet sofa at 5:43 AM, aggressively scrubbing a splotch of hardened spit-up off the crinkly plastic dust jacket of a library book. I'm wearing my husband Mark’s oversized college sweatpants—the ones with a...
The Sandwich Generation Bug: Debugging Babies and Aging Parents
I was standing in my kitchen at 6:15 AM yesterday, holding a screaming 11-month-old in my left arm while using my right hand to reset my 72-year-old dad's iPad password for the third time this week. He was frustrated because...
When your 4D ultrasound baby alien leaked on the family group chat
The ultrasound gel was freezing, and the sonographer whose name tag said Brenda was pushing the wand into my bladder with the force of a hydraulic press. We were at the 20-week anatomy scan. The monitor in the dark room...
The Truth About Boomer Grandparents And Modern Baby Care
Listen, put a little whiskey on his gums, beta. That was my great-aunt at a family wedding last month. He needs to sleep on his stomach or he'll choke on his spit-up. That was my mother-in-law, hovering over the bassinet...
What The Rick Ross Baby Mama Drama Taught Me About Co-Parenting
My mother-in-law insists that any dispute with an ex should be handled over a stiff cup of Earl Grey and a passive-aggressive biscuit, while the bloke who delivers our Amazon parcels reckons you should just block their number entirely and...
I Googled "Baby Chicks For Sale" And Now My Living Room Smells Like...
I'm currently staring at a 100-litre plastic storage tub in my hallway that's emitting a continuous, high-pitched sound, much like a smoke alarm that has somehow developed a needy personality. Inside this tub are four baby chicks. I blame Instagram,...
Finding the Best Adult Bibs for Dignity at the Dinner Table
The gravy hit her white silk blouse before I even had a chance to drop my fork. I'm sitting there at Sunday dinner, wedged between a screaming toddler and my grandmother, watching a massive brown stain spread right across her...
How to Survive a Husky and a Human Baby Without Losing Your Mind
There's a very specific type of panic that sets in when a fifty-pound sled dog tries to initiate a play-bow with a sleeping infant. You just freeze, calculating the physics of a rapidly wagging tail colliding with a soft fontanelle,...
The Brutal Reality of Mixing Tiny Puppies and Newborn Twins
I'm standing in our narrow London hallway, holding a slightly stiff hospital blanket that smells intensely of NHS-grade floor cleaner and sheer panic. Page 47 of a highly-rated parenting manual told me I should present this artifact to our terrier...