Surviving Rick James Give It To Me Baby At A Texas Barn Wedding
I was elbow-deep in a lukewarm plate of wedding brisket when the DJ decided it was time to pivot from the polite dinner music directly into the heavy hitters. You know the exact moment I’m talking about. The twinkle lights...
Rihanna New Baby: What Having Three Under Four Actually Means
I was standing in line at the local H-E-B last week with a cart full of clearance diapers and a toddler actively licking the shopping cart handle, when the cashier decided to lean over and tell me I really needed...
The Bizarre Lies She Told My Baby About My Pre-Parenting Life
I watched in absolute horror as my old university friend Fiona, wearing a leather jacket that smelled faintly of stale vape smoke and regret, leaned directly into the pram and started rewriting my twenties. We were in a Costa Coffee...
My Baby Daddy Is A Bed Bug: A Custody Exchange Survival Guide
Dear Priya from last October. You're currently staring at a navy blue canvas duffel bag in the entryway of your Chicago apartment, wondering if you can legally set it on fire. Your baby daddy just pulled away in his Honda....
Why Machine Gun Kelly's Co-Parenting Setup Is Oddly Inspiring
It was 3:14 in the morning, the Texas humidity was already sticking to the windowpanes like a wet blanket, and my middle child—let's just call her Baby M for the sake of keeping some things private—was doing that terrifying back-arching...
The Lily Collins Baby Backlash and My Parenting Firmware Update
It was 6:14 AM on a rainy Tuesday in Portland, and I was staring at a lukewarm cup of coffee while my 11-month-old son aggressively tried to pull my beard out from the roots. I had managed to wrestle him...
How to execute the sorry sir not your baby boundary script
We were in the produce section of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer, right between the bruised organic honeycrisps and that terrifying misting machine that sounds like a tiny jet engine spinning up. My 11-month-old son was strapped into his stroller, chewing...
Sweet Baby Inc Detected? Why Parents Are Panicking Over Nothing
I was standing in my kitchen at 6:45 AM on a Tuesday, wearing those embarrassing grey college sweatpants with the bleach stain on the thigh, holding my third cup of coffee. My phone buzzed with a text from my sister,...
Lil Baby Baby Mama Drama: The Mental Load Of Modern Parenting
Dear Marcus from six months ago, It's 3:14 AM. You're pinned under a sleeping infant who has somehow gained the density of a dying star. Your left arm went numb twenty minutes ago, but you're absolutely terrified to move because...