The Brutal Truth About Teething: When Does the Drooling Actually End?
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently packing a suspiciously large overnight bag. You've volunteered to watch your sister's five-month-old niece, Chloe, for a long weekend so she and her husband can go to a wedding. You're feeling...
The Middle-of-the-Night Panic Search For Your Baby's First Tooth
I was staring at the ceiling of our Chicago apartment at 3:14 AM. The radiator was clanking. My son was gnawing on my collarbone like a starving hyena. His chin was a waterfall of drool, soaking right through my third...
My Messy Guide to Surviving All Three Kinds of Baby Sharks
I'm standing in the downstairs bathroom at six in the morning, holding a plastic light-up dinosaur flashlight between my teeth, trying to pry my five-year-old's jaw open while he thrashes around like a feral raccoon trapped in a feed bin....
What I Got Entirely Wrong About The Whole Teething Nightmare
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing dead in the middle of my kitchen wearing a stained Britney Spears baby tee from 1999 that I'd somehow repurposed as pajamas, holding a screaming four-month-old Leo while my...
The Great Fever Myth: Surviving Your Zähne Baby's Worst Days
It’s 3:17 am, and I'm holding a plastic thermometer to my daughter Lily’s ear while she attempts to perform a violent exorcism on herself. The digital display flashes an angry red 39.5°C. For three days prior, my Swiss mother-in-law had...
When Do Babies Teeth? An Honest Timeline For Exhausted Parents
I was standing in the checkout line at Trader Joe's in 2019, balancing a frozen pizza on my hip because I didn't grab a cart, when the contradictory advice started. Maya was about five months old, wearing a mustard yellow...
When Do Puppies Lose Their Baby Teeth? An Exhausted Mom's Guide
Yesterday at the feed store, old man Miller told me to just give our new mutt pup an old leather work boot to chew on and call it a day. Then I check my phone and my sister texts me...
The Great Baby Toothpaste Debate: Brushing My Son's First Tooth
My son bit my index finger at exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and that was how I found out we had a breach in the hull. I was just doing my usual morning firmware check—feeling around his gums because...
Surviving the Nightly Baby Toothbrush Wrestling Match in Sweatpants
It's 7:42 PM on a Tuesday. I'm wearing a pair of gray fleece sweatpants that haven't seen the inside of a washing machine since the Obama administration. My left knee is firmly but gently pinning an eight-month-old Maya to the...