Debugging The 90s Plush Stash: The Great Beanie Baby Tag Dilemma
I was sitting cross-legged on the nursery floor at 10 AM on a Saturday, entirely surrounded by a 30-gallon plastic storage bin of my childhood. My mom had just dropped off the "archives," grinning like she had just unburdened herself...
Why Badfinger Baby Blue Soundtracked My Postpartum Breakdown
The microwave clock in our kitchen glared a neon 3:14 AM, and my husband, bless his sweet but entirely useless heart in that specific moment, decided the absolute best way to get our screaming firstborn to sleep was by blasting...
The ugly truth about that cute baby pool float you just bought
My sister-in-law's backyard in Naperville smells intensely of expensive mineral sunscreen and chlorine. It's mid-July, the humidity is oppressive, and I'm standing at the edge of the water holding a thrashing nine-month-old. My mother-in-law is hovering nearby, aggressively trying to...
The Truth About Singing "...Baby One More Time" To Your Kids
When I brought my oldest son home from the hospital, I was hit with a barrage of unsolicited advice about what he should be listening to that basically made me want to hide under my bed. My mom swore up...
The Great Toddler Escape and Why Door Safety Is So Controversial
My mother-in-law told me to just flip the lock on my toddler's bedroom door around so it secures from the outside. A mom in my local Chicago Facebook group said locking a child in their room is literal abuse and...
The Truth About Amber Necklaces and Safe Baby Jewelry Options
I’m standing in this dimly lit, incense-heavy boutique in Brooklyn back in 2018, wearing yoga pants that have an unidentified crusty stain on the knee. Maya is six months old, she's screaming at a pitch that I’m pretty sure is...
The Baby Grand Era: When Grandma’s Advice Makes You Want to Scream
I'm staring at a drop-side crib that looks like it survived the Oregon Trail, and my mother-in-law is patting the literal patchwork quilt she just laid inside it. She's telling me how my husband slept in this exact death trap...
My Humiliating Physics Lesson on Staircase Barriers
I was standing at the top of our fourteen-step Portland craftsman staircase holding a plastic tension rod barrier, a laser level, and a completely false sense of confidence. My wife, Sarah, paused on her way to the kitchen, shifting our...
Parking Lot Panic and the Anxiety Behind the Baby Emmanuel News
My keys were somewhere under the passenger side of my Honda Odyssey, my oldest son Carter was actively trying to lick the handle of the H-E-B shopping cart, and the baby was screaming so loud I could feel it in...