When Do Babies Finally Learn To Hold Their Own Bottle?
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing a stained College of Charleston t-shirt that smelled heavily of sour milk and sheer exhaustion. Leo, who was about five months old at the time, was doing this infuriating...
The Great Crawling Myth: When Do Infants Actually Start Moving?
I was literally sitting on our living room rug with a stopwatch and a spreadsheet. My daughter was exactly eight months and four days old, lying perfectly still on her stomach, looking at me like I had lost my mind....
The Truth About Crawling Timelines From A Tired London Twin Dad
I'm currently lying face down on a heavily stained Berber rug, making intense eye contact with a small, unblinking human who has just eaten a piece of fluff. In my outstretched hand is a set of house keys, jangling desperately...
How To Survive An Angry Baby When You Are Losing Your Mind
My mother-in-law told me I was holding him too much and he was already "manipulating" me at four months old, which, like, how? My favorite Facebook mom group told me his root chakra was blocked and I needed to rub...
Why we sing about dropping infants from trees at 3 AM
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was covered in a suspicious damp patch that smelled faintly of sour milk and sheer defeat. Florence was doing her absolute best impression of a dying swan, arching her back with...
The Complete Chaos of Navigating That Viral Jalebi Baby Trend
It was 8:45 AM on a Tuesday, and I was trapped in the preschool drop-off line in my Honda CR-V smelling like three-day-old dry shampoo and desperation. Maya, who was four at the time, was kicking the back of my...
The brutal reality of raising a velcro baby and keeping your sanity
Listen. It was two in the afternoon on a Tuesday in mid-February. The Chicago wind was rattling the apartment windows, and I had needed to empty my bladder since ten that morning. Dev was asleep, heavily draped across my chest...
When Do Babies Start Babbling? A Tired Mom’s Guide to the Noise
There I was, sitting cross-legged on my living room rug surrounded by a mountain of unsorted laundry, aggressively waving black-and-white flashcards in my firstborn’s face. Leo was about four months old at the time, staring at me with the blankest...
Why Diaper Tape Fails When Your Tiny Infant Becomes A Toddler
3:14 AM. The bathroom tiles are freezing. Mark is standing there holding his phone, looking absolutely bewildered, while intense, bass-heavy Russian hip-hop blasts out of his tiny phone speaker. He was literally just trying to google "big baby tape" to...