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Surviving a baby coyote encounter with jetlagged twin toddlers
It was 4:17 in the morning in suburban California, and I was losing my mind. We had foolishly decided to drag our two-year-old twin girls on a twelve-hour flight from Heathrow to Los Angeles to visit my wife's brother, operating...
Why I Stopped Buying $45 Polyester Baby Pumpkins (And What I Do Now)
There I was, sitting on the porch steps in the humid Texas heat, trying to pry a screaming six-month-old out of a rigid polyester pumpkin suit that somehow didn't have a single snap at the crotch. My oldest daughterβwho's now...
Surviving the American baby copperhead panic as a clueless dad
The humidity in North Carolina in late August is a physical assault, the kind of oppressive heat that makes your clothes feel like a wet apology. I was standing on my American in-laws' patio, clutching a rapidly melting gin and...
System Failure: Searching for Baby Clothes Near Me in Portland
The sound was suspiciously similar to a ketchup bottle emptying its final contents, but we were miles from a diner and my eleven-month-old daughter was entirely too pleased with herself. We were at Mt. Tabor park, I was trying to...
The Brutal Truth About Feeding Baby Carrots To Your Little Ones
I was standing at the kitchen counter hacking these little orange bullets lengthwise with a dull paring knife while my oldest, bless his heart, screamed at my shins because he wanted a snack right that very second. It was four...
My worst newborn day and how a baby carrier wrap saved my sanity
It was 4:13 PM on a Tuesday in late November, and I was wearing maternity leggings with an unidentified, crusty white stain on the left thigh. Leo was four weeks old and currently doing that purple-faced, breathless scream that makes...
A Letter to My Past Self About Surviving Baby Car Seat Chaos
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently jammed into the backseat of the Honda, one knee completely numb because you're using your entire adult body weight to press a massive piece of plastic into the upholstery. Your iced...
Why That Adorable Baby Bunny Is a Terrible Idea for Your Toddler
I was elbow-deep in a basket of mismatched toddler socks last night when a post in my local county Facebook group made me drop my phone right into the laundry basket. Some sweet, incredibly naive mom had posted, "Looking for...
The truth about baby bump timelines and why apps lie to you
I was standing in our kitchen holding a retractable Stanley tape measure against my wife's stomach, trying to log exactly how many centimeters her abdomen had grown since the previous Tuesday. She looked down at me like I was trying...