Magazine
The exact october 30th beanie baby that broke my brain
I'm sitting on the cold linoleum floor of my laundry room in a nursing bra that hasn't seen the inside of a washing machine in at least three days, aggressively refreshing an eBay tab on my cracked iPhone with one...
Dear past me, that vintage october 20th beanie baby is a trap
Listen, Priya from six months ago. You're sitting on the living room rug, staring at a crushed cardboard box that just arrived from your auntie in New Jersey. Inside is a pristine, tag-protected raccoon named Snoops. You're thinking it's incredibly...
Debugging the October 18 Beanie Baby Birthday Twin Trend
I was standing in the cramped, patchouli-scented aisle of a vintage shop on Hawthorne Boulevard, triumphantly holding a dusty plush skeleton from the year 2000. I thought I had just executed a brilliant parenting hack. My niece was about to...
Chasing the October 15 Beanie Baby: A New Dad's Reality Check
My mother-in-law's package arrived at our Portland apartment on a rainy Tuesday, smelling faintly of attic dust and the Clinton administration. Inside was a neon-orange plush pumpkin with hard plastic eyes staring blankly into the void. Sarah, my wife, immediately...
Troubleshooting the New Mums and Baby Gifts Australia Market
Three different people gave me completely conflicting advice when my sister in Sydney had her baby last month. My neighbor here in Portland told me to ship a six-foot plush kangaroo because "babies love scale." My childless project manager suggested...
How a Tiny Mola Fish Baby Fixed My Sustainable Parenting Guilt
It was 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing Dave’s old college sweatpants backwards because the dog had thrown up on mine. I was standing in the middle of the kitchen, clutching yesterday’s lukewarm coffee in a chipped...
The absolute terror of serving meat baby food to a six-month-old
There I was, standing in our kitchen at half past seven in the morning, staring at a cardboard tube of organic baby rice that looked and smelled exactly like the Polyfilla I used to patch the hallway skirting board last...
The Truth About Baby's Breath Flowers (And Why I Threw Mine Out)
Dave was holding a black lawn-and-leaf trash bag open while I aggressively shoved thirty mason jars of dried white flowers into it, weeping slightly, wearing only a nursing bra and a pair of his grey sweatpants. There was crumbly white...
The May 21st Beanie Baby Illusion: Vintage Plushies vs Reality
I was three pints deep into a Tuesday evening and aggressively outbidding a woman named 'Susan_Collects_94' on eBay for a slightly moth-eaten unicorn. My wife walked into the kitchen, took one look at the glowing iPad screen, and asked if...