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The Honest Truth About Finding A March 13 Beanie Baby For Your Kid
I'm sitting on my couch at two in the morning, bathed in the blue light of my phone, watching a twenty-three-year-old mother weep on her timeline because she finally found 'Celebrate' on a resale app. That's the specific vintage stuffed...
Why A Little Milanese Knit Suit Is Actually Worth the Money
I was standing in the Buc-eeβs bathroom off I-45, sweating clean through my denim jacket, trying to peel a chunky, mustard-yellow cable-knit sweater off my screaming firstborn. It was Thanksgiving weekend, the temperature had dipped to a brisk 55 degrees...
Troubleshooting Baby Lip Ties: Why We Decided to Skip the Laser
At 3:14 AM on a Tuesday during month two, I was sitting in the dark glow of my dual monitors, logging our daughter's nursing "click" frequency into a Google Sheet. Click. Swallow. Click. Cry. Maya was in the bedroom, crying...
Why I Learned Trap Music Guitar Chords for a Crying Infant at 3 AM
Dear Marcus from six months ago, It's currently 3:14 AM, the relentless Portland rain is hammering against the nursery window, and you're standing in the middle of the room wearing boxer briefs, holding your dusty acoustic guitar like it's a...
Lil Baby Fridayy - Forever Chords: The 2 AM Search Mix-Up
The biggest lie the parenting internet tells you is that you can safely operate a search engine while running on two hours of sleep and a lukewarm cup of yesterday's coffee. Let me paint a picture for you. It was...
Why Buying Lil Baby Concert Tickets For a Baby is a Bad Idea
It was 9:15 PM in section 204 of the arena. My phone was open to a decibel-reading app I had downloaded in a panic in the parking lot, and the screen was just flashing the word "DANGEROUS" in bright red...
Lactose Free Formula For Babies: A Dad's Guide To Gut Bugs
It's 3:14 AM. I'm standing in our Portland kitchen, bathed in the harsh blue light of the microwave clock, frantically whisking a brand-new can of soy powder into a bottle while my 11-month-old screams like a dial-up modem connecting to...
The kriss_baby_ leaks webcam scare: Why I tossed our monitor
My husband was standing in the hallway in his underwear at two in the morning, aggressively poking the back of our internet router with a bent paperclip while swearing under his breath. I was sitting on the floor of the...
The July 26 Beanie Baby Incident That Broke My Sanity
I'm currently on my hands and knees holding a pair of tweezers and a remarkably weak mobile phone torch in my mouth, desperately trying to extract a single plastic pellet from the gap between our original Victorian floorboards. Twin A...