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A tired dad trying to keep up with his highly energetic dancing baby

Surviving the Kitchen Disco: The Truth About Your Dancing Baby

Before the twins arrived, I received three distinct, entirely contradictory pieces of unsolicited advice regarding music and infants. The frighteningly intense instructor at our antenatal class warned us that bouncing a child incorrectly to a beat could permanently traumatize their...

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Tom's twin girls with slightly shiny but unchapped noses after applying organic balm

Why I Finally Caved to the Organic Baby Face Balm Craze

It’s Tuesday, somewhere around 3 PM, and I'm currently pinned to the nursery rug by a twenty-four-pound toddler who's thrashing her head side-to-side like a cornered badger to avoid the muslin cloth I’m wielding. Her twin sister is watching from...

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A very tired British dad holding a baby in a frog-legged Pavlik harness

The Unexpected Drama of Having a Hip Dysplasia Baby

The six-week checkup at your local NHS GP surgery is supposed to be a relatively victorious milestone. You have kept a human alive for a month and a half, you're operating on a cumulative total of eleven minutes of sleep,...

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Exhausted dad staring in pure panic at a tiny gold baby bracelet

The Brutal Truth About Baby Bracelets and Why I Totally Panicked

We were somewhere between the second slice of dry Victoria sponge and Florence’s inevitable afternoon meltdown when my wife's great-aunt produced the velvet box. We had survived the actual christening with only a moderate amount of screaming (mostly from me,...

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Exhausted dad staring at a newspaper comic while holding two crying twins

Reading a Baby Blues Comic Today Won't Save You From the Crash

It's 3:14 am. I'm standing in our freezing London kitchen, crying silently over a piece of cold toast. Not because the toast is particularly tragic, but because the kettle made a slightly aggressive hissing sound and the sheer audacity of...

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Tired dad in kitchen preparing baby formula for twins at midnight

Raising a Formula Baby: The Midnight Maths I Completely Failed

I'm standing in the kitchen in just my boxers, staring blankly at a silver tin of powder while the kettle aggressively clicks off. It's 3:14 AM. Upstairs, Twin A is doing her best impression of a hungry velociraptor, while Twin...

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A tired dad holding a calculator while looking at baby gear

How Much Does It Cost to Have a Baby? A Twin Dad's Honest Maths

I'm currently sitting on the kitchen floor at eleven o'clock at night, staring at my Monzo app while Twin A attempts to aggressively eat a Sainsbury's receipt and Twin B sleeps heavily across my left foot. I can't feel my...

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A tired dad holding a silicone cow teether in a London flat

How I Survived the Great Highland Cow Baby Obsession of 2024

I'm currently sitting in the corner of a semi-detached flat in Zone 3 London, making intense eye contact with a six-foot plush Scottish bovine. It has more hair than I do, takes up roughly the same square footage as a...

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Dad holding twin girls while listening to Daniel Caesar in a messy London flat

The Reality of the Have A Baby With Me Daniel Caesar Lyrics

I was on my hands and knees in our South London flat, using a blunt butter knife to chisel hardened Weetabix off the skirting board, when Spotify’s algorithm decided to serve up a heavy dose of R&B. The song sounded...

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