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Debugging a Midnight Panic: The Harlequin Baby Mix-Up Explained
Don't, under any circumstances, type the phrase "harlequin baby" into your phone at 3:14 AM while your infant is sleeping on their side. Just trust me on this one. I was sitting in the nursery rocking chair, running on maybe...
The NutriBullet Baby Review: A Dad's Solid Food Data Log
My mother-in-law told me I just needed to mash a banana with a fork. My lead developer pinged me on Slack to say we absolutely needed a $250 European baby food maker that somehow syncs to a smartphone. Meanwhile, an...
Decoding the Old Navy Baby Sizing Matrix and Hard Truths
I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom at 2:14 AM yesterday, surrounded by a mountain of clean laundry, trying to compile a sorting algorithm in my head. I held up three different pairs of pants. They were all...
The 2 AM Regalo Baby Gate Crisis That Finally Broke My Spirit
It's exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the top landing of our painfully narrow London terrace in just my boxer shorts, holding a spirit level in one hand and a metal tension rod in the other....
What I Learned About Birth Plans After Sparkle Megan Has A Baby
I was halfway through surgically removing a layer of cemented, fossilised Weetabix from the highchair straps when my phone vibrated off the kitchen counter. A friend had sent me a link to an article about Megan Waleriusβthe bubbly, sequin-wearing contestant...
How A Sugar Baby Watermelon Defeated Me And My Twin Toddlers
If you ever find yourself wondering whether a standard kitchen sponge is abrasive enough to remove dried fruit pulp from a matte-painted wall, let me save you a frantic Google search. It isn't. You need a dedicated scraper and a...
Why I Finally Gave In and Bought a Baby Bottle Washer
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and my knuckles were literally bleeding. I was standing in my dark kitchen wearing a gray nursing tank that hadn't seen the inside of a washing machine since the Obama administration,...
The Absurd Reality of Raising a Baby Peacock With Toddlers
I'm currently watching my two-year-old daughter attempt to post a piece of heavily chewed toast into the ventilation slat of a heated poultry brooder. Inside that plastic tub sits a bird that cost more than my first car, looking less...
The 3 AM Meltdown That Finally Taught Me How to Name a Human
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in mid-August, and the air conditioning in our apartment had completely surrendered. I was 37 weeks pregnant with Maya, wearing my husband Markβs hopelessly stained college lacrosse t-shirt, and I was crying so...