What A 3 AM Bird Search Taught Me About Surviving The Newborn Phase
I was standing in the kitchen at 3:14 AM wearing my husband's college sweatpants that had this unidentifiable crust on the left knee, vibrating with the kind of exhaustion that makes your teeth hurt. Leo was about four weeks old...
The Great Lil Baby Height Panic: A Dad's Late Night Mistakes
The metal tape measure snapped back with the terrifying velocity of a striking cobra, narrowly missing my left eye and causing Twin B to shriek with such piercing intensity that the neighbour's dog immediately began howling in sympathy. It was...
Gravity, sofas, and the dizzying truth about spinning babies
"Don't try to pull me by the shoulders, Tom, you'll misalign my pelvis," Sarah hissed. She was currently suspended upside down with her knees on our mustard yellow sofa and her forearms flat on the living room rug, her face...
How To Raise A Baby Dolphin Without Losing Your British Mind
At exactly 6:14 AM on a bleak Tuesday, I was standing in our London kitchen trying to enforce what a very expensive hardcover parenting book called a "structured learning boundary" while Maya systematically crushed a rice cake into the tile...
Why Searching Baby Dolls Dallas Is A Hilarious Parenting Mistake
Texas, for those who haven't had the pleasure of dragging a jet-lagged toddler through it, is less a state and more an ongoing experiment in aggressive air conditioning. We were staying in an Airbnb that smelled faintly of cinnamon and...
Debugging The Silhouette: Why My Kid Wears Baby Doll Tops
3:14 AM. I'm holding a piece of fabric that looks like a miniature maternity dress, trying to calculate the best trajectory for pulling it over my 11-month-oldβs wildly thrashing head. It has a seam that stops abruptly right under the...
Surviving the baby dinosaur phase without losing your mind
Don't, under any circumstances, attempt to correct a two-year-old on the precise anatomical posture of a Stegosaurus. I learned this at 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, standing in my kitchen holding a lukewarm mug of tea while Twin One shrieked...
Raising Baby Chickens: A Reality Check Letter To My Past Self
There's a cardboard box vibrating in the passenger seat of my minivan, and it smells faintly of wood shavings and poor life choices. Itβs early March, raining sideways here in rural Texas, and I'm staring at the steering wheel while...
The 3 AM Reality of Raising a Baby Chick With a Toddler
It's three in the morning on a Tuesday. I'm standing over my bathroom sink with a warm, damp paper towel, delicately wiping dried feces off the backside of a baby chick. My husband is asleep. My toddler is asleep. I'm...