Magazine

A tired mom dealing with static postpartum hair regrowth around her hairline

Postpartum Baby Bangs: A Dad's Guide to the Hair Regrowth Glitch

Dear Marcus of six months ago: Put down the industrial drain snake and take a deep breath. I know you just pulled a clump of hair out of the shower drain that looks roughly the size of a wet squirrel,...

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Sleep deprived dad holding a baby in a dim nursery while looking at his phone

Doomscrolling Paternity Drama: A Dad's Guide to Co-Parenting

It's exactly 3:14 AM. The nursery thermostat reads 68.4 degrees, which I know because I check the data monitor compulsively whenever the floorboards creak. My eleven-month-old son is currently asleep on my chest, dead weight and drooling onto my collarbone....

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Confused dad looking at a spreadsheet of baby names while holding a teething infant in Portland.

How The AGT Winner Jessica Sanchez Baby Name Wrecked My Math

Don't, under any circumstances, try to write a Python script that scrapes the Social Security Administration database to find a moniker with a mathematically perfect syllable-to-vowel ratio. This is a terrible way to name a human. I know this because...

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An exhausted dad sitting in a dark nursery while an 11-month-old baby stands in a crib.

Surviving Our Real Boss Baby and Who Actually Voices The Movie

My mom told me that if I didn't establish dominance on day one, the baby would rule our house forever. The barista down the street confidently informed me that I need to surrender to his flow and let the infant...

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A stressed dad looking at a smart speaker while holding a baby

The Smart Speaker Disaster and Finding Safe Lil Baby Songs

My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last Thanksgiving to explain that if I didn't play Mozart for my son at exactly 432 hertz, his neural pathways would fail to optimize for advanced calculus. The next day, the barista at...

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Tired dad holding an awake baby looking at a smartphone screen in a dark room

Sparkle Megan Baby Daddy Drama: A Tired Dad's Honest Take

It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my eleven-month-old son, Leo, was currently undergoing some sort of mysterious firmware update that apparently required him to aggressively slap my collarbone while wide awake in the dark. My wife, Sarah, was...

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Bewildered dad holding an avocado teether while looking at his drooling baby

When Do Babies Get Teeth? A Dad's Troubleshooting Guide

Dear Marcus from six months ago: Put down the tactical flashlight. She is not going to let you look in her mouth, and shining a 1000-lumen beam at a five-month-old's face at 2 AM is exactly why your wife is...

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Dad catching a baby falling over sideways on a playmat

Debugging Gravity: When Do Babies Start Sitting Up Usually?

It's currently 7:14 PM, and I'm building a fortress of couch cushions around my eleven-month-old daughter on our living room rug. She is folded entirely in half, staring intensely at a piece of lint she found near the coffee table....

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Portland dad holding an eleven-month-old baby otter in a community swimming pool wrapped in a towel.

Debugging Infant Water Safety and the Sea Otter Parenting Method

I'm currently losing a wrestling match with a wet, angry noodle on a bench that smells aggressively of bleach. My eleven-month-old son has somehow managed to triple his body weight purely through the physics of being slippery, and the acoustic...

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