Why we finally threw out our fancy baby lights (and what worked)
It's 2:43 AM. I'm holding my iPhone between my teeth like a tactical flashlight because I need both hands to manage a diaper blowout of catastrophic proportions. I take one step backward, my heel finds a rogue wooden block, and...
What to Do When You Look Outside and See a Baby Rat Near Your Kids
It was 6:15 on a freezing Tuesday morning, and I was standing in my kitchen wearing a pair of inside-out Target leggingsβyou know the ones with the side pocket that always sags?βdrinking my third espresso because Maya was going through...
The Night I Dropped a Pill (And How We Survive Meds Now)
I was wearing my husband Danβs threadbare college lacrosse t-shirt, it was 2:14 in the morning, and I was on my hands and knees with my iPhone flashlight in my mouth, frantically sweeping the kitchen floor with my bare hands....
The Medical Truth About Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers And Safety
I was shivering on Southport Avenue, pushing a ridiculously expensive piece of aesthetic plastic over a frozen Chicago pothole. The front wheels locked up on a chunk of dirty street ice. The stroller abruptly stopped, and my four-month-old's head violently...
She Gon Call Me Baby Boo TikTok Trend Nearly Ended Me
I was knee-deep in a pile of unsorted laundryβthe kind of massive, intimidating pile where you honestly can't tell what's actually clean and what has just been worn for five minutes and tossed on the floor by a toddlerβwhen my...
The Viral Falling Baby Lawsuit Hoax vs Actual Window Tech
Thursday morning, my phone lit up with three completely incompatible push notifications about gravity and my 11-month-old. First, my mother-in-law texted me a frantic TikTok link claiming some random dude was dragged into court for half a million dollars after...
Look Outside Rat Baby: When Your Kid's Google Search Gets Real
Last Tuesday, I was standing over my farmhouse sink, aggressively scraping crusty oatmeal off a plastic toddler plate with my thumbnail, when I happened to glance at the family iPad sitting on the counter. The browser was open to a...
How to execute the sorry sir not your baby boundary script
We were in the produce section of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer, right between the bruised organic honeycrisps and that terrifying misting machine that sounds like a tiny jet engine spinning up. My 11-month-old son was strapped into his stroller, chewing...
A Warning To Past Me About Surviving The Plastic Brick Phase
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently standing in the doorway of the nursery, holding a lukewarm cup of tea, looking affectionately at a beautifully curated shelf. You think you've absolutely nailed this parenting thing, don't you? You haven't....