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MusselintΓΌcher Baby: A Tech Dad's Guide to Spit-Up Management
It was exactly 2:14 AM when I realized my understanding of fluid dynamics was fundamentally flawed. My son was only three weeks old at the time, and I was holding him upright after a feeding, armed with a highly-rated, incredibly...
That Terrifying Sound: When Babies Start Grinding Their Teeth
2:14 AM. A Tuesday. I was wearing a pair of my husband's college sweatpants that hadn't seen the inside of a washing machine since the Obama administration, clutching a lukewarm mug of yesterday's French press coffeeβdon't judge me, caffeine is...
Dear Past Me: Read This Before Buying An Infant Name Bracelet
Dear Sarah from six months ago. I know exactly where you're standing right now. It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, and you're in the kitchen wearing Dave's gray Villanova hoodie with the mystery yogurt stain on the cuff. You're holding...
How I Found the Right Baby Back Ribs Done Temp for My Toddler
Smoke is stinging my left eye, my digital meat thermometer is flashing 145 degrees, and Sarah is holding our 11-month-old who's currently attempting to eat his own foot on the patio. The grill is hissing. My phone is buzzing with...
What I Learned After Panicking Over Baby Lady Bugs
Whatever you do, please don't scream, snatch your eleven-month-old up like a football, and attempt to aggressively stomp a tiny, spiky, black-and-orange alien insect into the damp Portland mud while wearing your only clean pair of socks. I executed this...
Why Bringing Home a Tiny Wild Bass is a Terrible Idea
There was a bright orange Home Depot bucket leaking murky, foul-smelling swamp water onto my kitchen tile, and my four-year-old, Beau, was standing over it like heβd just discovered gold. I had a baby on my hip, a load of...
The Great Baby Pesto Disaster (And How To Actually Do It Right)
It was 6:42 PM on a Tuesday, and my kitchen looked like a lawnmower had exploded indoors. My wife was holding a wet washcloth, staring at me with that highly specific look she gets when I've confidently executed a task...
When Your Baby Squirrel Is Good At Everything (Except Sleeping)
It was a Tuesday. 2:14 PM. I was standing in my kitchen wearing black leggings that hadn't seen the inside of a washing machine since the previous Thursday and a nursing bra that was basically just a loose suggestion of...
The "Baby Three" Elf Plush Trend is Actually a Nightmare
Itβs 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing in my kitchen wearing my husband Dave's college sweatshirt that has a highly questionable yogurt stain on the sleeve. I'm clutching a mug of lukewarm French roast like itβs a life...