Debugging the Absolute Chaos of Modern Boy Baby Shower Themes
I was on row 47 of my Google Sheet, cross-referencing the hex codes of compostable napkins with three different artisanal bakery delivery zones, when my wife gently closed my laptop. It was a Saturday afternoon, roughly two months before our...
The brutally honest guide to choosing baby names boy edition
There's a pervasive, highly destructive lie floating around the maternity wards and NCT classes of Britain, and it goes something like this: don't worry if you haven't picked a name yet, because the second they hand him to you, you'll...
The undeniable madness of the Ralph Lauren baby boy aesthetic
When my mate Dave's wife was expecting their first boy, the unsolicited wardrobe advice came thick and fast, arriving with all the force of a high-speed train. Dave's mum insisted he needed tiny little cable-knit cardigans to look "respectable" (respectable...
Oh My Little Baby Boy: Demolishing The Tough Infant Myth Today
I was in the middle of wrestling a mustard-yellow blowout off my six-month-old when my great-aunt patted my shoulder and told me I was coddling him. He was sobbing because he was cold and covered in his own waste. I...
Why outfitting a newborn baby boy feels like a hostage negotiation
It was day four. I was sleep-deprived to the point of mild hallucinations, standing over the changing pad in the dark. I unzipped his fleece sleeper, and a perfect arc of warm urine hit me directly in the collarbone. That...
A Letter to My Past Self: How to Watch Baby Boy Chaos Unfold
You're currently sitting on the beige rug in the nursery, holding a half-melted bag of frozen Trader Joe's peas to your left eyebrow. Your five-month-old just executed what I can only describe as a tactical headbutt masquerading as a hug....
When the 'he was molested as a baby boy polo g song' trend hit
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're sitting on the living room rug right now watching your son play with a wooden block. You've got your phone in your left hand. You're about to post that video of him smearing...
The great sweet potato incident and surviving baby boy haircuts
My wife Sarah was holding a spoonful of mashed sweet potato like a hostage negotiator, while I hovered over the high chair wielding a pair of poultry shears. Our son was completely oblivious, thrashing his head to some internal rhythm...
The Brutal Truth About Buying Baby Boy Clothing
Dear Jess from six months ago, sitting on the floor of the nursery at two in the morning, crying over a mountain of hand-me-downs. You're currently surrounded by three giant trash bags of stuff from when Liam was born, and...