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The Brutal, Beautiful Truth About the Always Be My Baby Phase
I'm standing at my kitchen island right now, staring at a mountain of laundry that smells vaguely like goat feed and sour milk. On the left side of the counter, I've got my four-year-old's mud-caked jeans that look like they...
When The Baby-Sitters Club Makes You Question Your Parenting
I was wedged between the living room radiator and a pile of inexplicably sticky building blocks at 5:43 AM on a Tuesday when it happened. Twin A was aggressively gumming a slightly stale rice cake, Twin B was trying to...
The reality of raising millennial Shrek babies in a modern world
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last week to tell me that if I let my toddler watch animated ogres, he'll develop aggressive tendencies and start throwing onions at the dog. Ten minutes later, my millennial best friend texted...
How That Viral 1960s Pretty Little Baby Song Saved My Sanity
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the rocking chair in Leo's nursery was squeaking exactly on the downbeat of my mounting panic. I was wearing a gray nursing tank top that smelled faintly of sour milk and utter...
Why the Nirvana baby made me delete my entire Instagram feed
Hey Jess from last October. You're sitting on the bath mat right now, aren't you? The kids are miraculously distracted by an empty Amazon box in the hallway, your coffee is cold on the sink, and your thumb is hovering...
The Truth About The Most Expensive Beanie Babies
I'm sitting on the concrete floor of my parents' garage in the Chicago suburbs, sneezing thirty years of dust out of my nose. In front of me is a massive plastic storage bin labeled with my name and the phrase...
Dear Past Jess: Please Do Not Put On That Million Dollar Baby Film
Dear exhausted Jess from six months ago, Youβre currently sitting on the beige sectional that smells vaguely of sour milk and desperation. It's raining sideways here in rural Texas, your Etsy shop orders are backed up to the moon, and...
The Kewpie Baby Obsession: A Letter to My Sleep-Deprived Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. Yeah, you. The one currently standing in aisle four of the Sleepy Hollow Antique Mall, wearing those black maternity leggings that have literally lost all their elasticity, clutching your third lukewarm coffee of...
The Truth About the Digital Dinosaur Taking Over My Living Room
It's 6:15 AM on a Tuesday. I'm standing in the kitchen wearing Dave's old college sweatpantsβthe grey ones with a literal hole in the left kneeβand holding my third cup of coffee, which is already lukewarm. Leo, my four-year-old, is...