A letter to myself about the absolute farce of finding rare baby gi...
Dear Tom of exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the floor of the hallway, a chewed-up blue biro in your mouth, staring at a stack of nursery registration forms while Twin B attempts to post half a soggy...
The Terror Of Hyper-Realistic Dolls (And What Actually Works)
The woman at the Tesco checkoutβher name badge said Sandra, and she looked like she'd already had a very long Tuesdayβwas staring at my left hand with the specific, wide-eyed horror usually reserved for hostage situations. I was currently trying...
Why I Have Major Trust Issues With Heavy Recaro Baby Car Seats
I was standing in our crushed-granite driveway in late August, sweat pooling in places I didn't know could sweat, trying to shove a piece of metal and memory foam the size of a mini-fridge into the back of my SUV....
Rihanna And A$AP Rocky's New Girl: Let's Talk About Three Under Four
It was roughly two in the morning. I was sitting in the dark of my Chicago apartment, nursing a cold cup of chamomile tea while my toddler used my collarbone as a teething ring. I was doing that mindless, sleep-deprived...
The truth about viral audio trends and your toddler
My mother-in-law told me to physically cover my toddler's ears whenever a rap song comes on in public. My neighbor, who has three feral boys, said I should just let him listen to whatever because censoring it makes it a...
What to Do When Your Toddler Learns 'She Gon Call Me Baby Booter'
When my two-year-old twin girls started doing a weird, jerky zombie shuffle around the kitchen island chanting a garbled phrase, I asked three different people for advice on what to do. My mother, over a lukewarm cup of tea, told...
The Pediatric Nurse's Guide to the Perfect Smash Cake for Baby
I was standing at my kitchen island at eleven at night, aggressively pureeing dates to sweeten a dense, beige lump of oat flour. My son's first birthday was in exactly twelve hours. I had convinced myself that if a single...
The Panic-Sweat Guide: Explaining How Babies Are Actually Made
It was a Tuesday morning, exactly 8:14 AM, and I was standing in line at our local bakery wearing a pair of black leggings that I hadn't washed since the weekend. I was holding a terrifyingly hot Americano in one...
The Real Truth About Sweets and That Sugar Baby Candy
My grandmother, bless her heart, was sitting on my front porch in her favorite floral duster when she reached into her dark, mysterious purse and pulled out a sticky, half-melted sugar baby candy. My oldest, who was barely eleven months...