Oh Baby, A Triple: Surviving the Rule of Threes in Parenting
It’s 3:14 AM on a random Tuesday. I'm standing barefoot on the freezing kitchen tiles wearing a Target robe that smells aggressively like sour breastmilk and pure desperation, holding a plastic pump flange in one hand and a half-empty mug...
I Can Be Your Hero Baby: Why the Supermom Myth is Total Trash
I was standing at the kitchen sink yesterday, elbow-deep in cold dishwater and crusted oatmeal, when my throwback playlist shuffled to Enrique Iglesias. Right as he dramatically whispered that he can be your hero, baby, I actually snorted so loud...
System Specs vs Reality: Surviving Your Comedic 11-Month-Old
It's 2:43 AM, and I'm holding a tiny human who's laughing hysterically at a completely blank wall. I'm staring at my phone's spreadsheet where I track his input/output logs and exact ambient room temperature (68.4 degrees, for the record), trying...
Don't You Want Me Like I Want You Baby Lyrics & Toddler Drama
The absolute biggest lie the parenting industry ever managed to sell us is that your Spotify Wrapped needs to look like an eighteenth-century Austrian composer's fever dream for your kid to get into a good kindergarten. I was standing in...
The brutal reality of raising a velcro baby and keeping your sanity
Listen. It was two in the afternoon on a Tuesday in mid-February. The Chicago wind was rattling the apartment windows, and I had needed to empty my bladder since ten that morning. Dev was asleep, heavily draped across my chest...
Is Cry Baby John Waters For Kids? (Plus Actual Infant Crying)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was pretty sure I was hallucinating. Leo was six weeks old and screaming like I was actively harming him, his tiny face turning a shade of purple I didn't know existed...
Surviving the evening screams with your sanity mostly intact
There was a specific time, 6:13 PM to be exact, when the atmosphere in our London flat would shift from manageable chaos to complete psychological warfare. You could set a watch by it. The girls would be lying there, looking...
The Real Truth About That Free Baby Dragon Emote Code Situation
My mom told me to take the iPad, wrap it in a beach towel, and bury it in the backyard next to the old pecan tree where the dogs couldn't dig it up. Tyler, the sixteen-year-old neighbor who comes over...
My toddler found baby mario and my screen time rules evaporated
The console was just sitting there on the coffee table, a glowing rectangle of temptation my husband forgot to dock the night before. It was 6:15 in the morning. I was in the kitchen trying to make coffee with one...