Debugging The Wardrobe: The Envelope Fold Revelation
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday when the system crashed. The baby monitor on my nightstand emitted a sound that was less of a cry and more of a wet, ominous sputtering noise. I stumbled into the nursery, bleary-eyed...
Raising Baby Kittens With Kids: The Blunt Unfiltered Truth
I'm standing in my kitchen at 3:14 in the morning, wearing yesterday's yoga pants with a questionable crusty stain on the knee, holding a bottle smaller than my own thumb. My oldest kid, who swore up and down on his...
Why Your Strampler Baby Needs Far Less Clothes Than You Think
I remember distinctly sitting on my living room rug about four years ago, trying to wrestle my oldest sonβs chubby little newborn thigh into a pair of raw denim baby jeans. He was screaming like I was torturing him, my...
The 3 AM Google Searches That Prove Postpartum is Wild
The other night, I was sitting in the dark nursing my youngest, running on maybe forty-five cumulative minutes of sleep, trying to type 'eco baby gear' into my phone with one thumb while balancing a burp cloth on my knee....
How to Find Free Baby Samples Without Losing Your Damn Mind
I was sitting on my living room couch at 2:14 AM wearing a pair of Dave's gym shorts that I had stretched to their absolute physical limit over my seven-month pregnant belly, staring at my phone as my inbox counter...
The Real Lesson Behind the Bhad Bhabie Baby Daddy Drama
When I was pregnant with my oldest, Maya, my grandmother sat me down at her kitchen table, pushed a cup of extremely weak Lipton tea toward me, and told me that a mother's only real job is to keep her...
Why a Real Babys Day Out Requires a Massive Deployment Pipeline
I was standing by the open door of my Honda Civic, sweating through a flannel shirt in 60-degree Portland weather, holding a diaper bag that weighed roughly the same as a car battery. My 11-month-old son was strapped into his...
What to write in a baby shower card without losing your mind
I'm sitting in the passenger seat of our sedan, balancing a small square envelope on the dashboard while my husband dodges Chicago potholes. We're twenty minutes late to my cousin's baby shower. The pen I dug out of the glovebox...
The nuclear bomb versus coughing infant joke and real colds
Listen. When my son developed his first real chest rattle, I received three distinct pieces of advice within a single hour. My desi mother-in-law told me to heat mustard oil with raw garlic and rub it on the soles of...