Magazine

Sarah looking incredibly stressed while holding a lukewarm coffee mug and an iPad

Why "Baby Alien Fan Bus Porn" Is My Ultimate Parenting Nightmare

It was exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing my husband's college sweatpantsβ€”the tragic gray ones with the bleach stain on the left knee that I absolutely refuse to throw away because they've perfectly deep pockets. I...

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A tired dad staring at his phone in a dark nursery at 3AM.

I Finally Understand The Atomized Baby Meme (And You Will Too)

It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the hallway radiator is pressing a distinctly uncomfortable geometric pattern into my lower spine. Florence, who's Twin A and currently engaged in a psychological war against the concept of sleep, has finally passed...

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Exhausted dad staring at his glowing phone in a dark nursery at 3AM.

Late Night Feeds And The Baby Trapped By The Billionaire Obsession

When the twins were born, everyone had brilliant, entirely conflicting theories about surviving the night feeds. My mum swore by keeping the room pitch black and humming ancient Celtic lullabies. The NHS health visitor suggested doing complex mental maths to...

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A stressed dad holding a tablet showing a children's video to a baby

Why Ms Rachel Works Like a Glitch in My Baby's Brain

The production database locked up at exactly 4:13 PM on a Tuesday, which was incidentally the exact moment my eleven-month-old decided his incoming lateral incisor required a decibel level usually reserved for jet engine testing. Outside, the Portland rain was...

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Toddler dressed in a pink sweater mimicking the K-Pop Demon Hunters character.

The Truth About That Demon Baby Movie Destroying Your Toddler

I found my two-year-old standing by the pantry yesterday, clutching a bottle of Cholula like a teddy bear, demanding I call him maknae. That was the moment I realized the biggest lie parents are telling each other right now. Everyone...

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A tired mother looking at a glowing smartphone while a toddler sits nearby

Why explicit industry baby lyrics are ruining my mornings now

The digital clock said 5:42 AM. The sky over Chicago was the color of wet concrete, and my coffee hadn't even finished dripping. I turned my back for three seconds to grab a mug. That was enough time for my...

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Exhausted mom looking confused at a smartphone screen while folding laundry

Why Super Creek Goo Goo Babies Isn't The Parenting Trend You Think

I was elbow-deep in a basket of mismatched toddler socks yesterday, trying to figure out how a house with five people produces seventy-three single left socks, when my fourteen-year-old nephew snorted from the couch. He was supposed to be helping...

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Frustrated mom taking a tablet away from a toddler sitting on a playmat

Why the baby fairy is a villainess trend ruined my whole week

I caught my teenage niece slipping her iPad to my two-year-old at Sunday dinner. The screen was a wash of pastel pinks, featuring a big-eyed, rosy-cheeked toddler in a frilly dress. I was tired. I was eating cold palak paneer....

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Confused dad looking at a smartphone while a toddler chews on a wooden panda toy

The 3 AM Search for Goo Goo Babies Uma Musume and Real Life

The iPad was glowing with an accusatory harshness against the peeling wallpaper of our London flat, illuminating a very specific kind of 3 AM domestic hell. Lily, the slightly more volatile of my two-year-old twin girls, had just violently expelled...

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