Navigating Baby Steps Nudity and Family Privacy (And Pants)
It was 7:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in my entryway wearing a stained NYU sweatshirt from 2009, holding a mug of coffee that had already gone cold because Iβd left it on the bathroom counter for...
The Baby Steps Game Disaster and How to Actually Teach Walking
It was somewhere around 3:17 in the morning, a time that I'm increasingly convinced exists solely to punish parents for their past life choices. Maya, the slightly more reasonable of my two-year-old twin daughters, was fast asleep in her cot,...
Wait, How Old is Baby Gronk? (And Other Parenting Anxieties)
My wife caught me measuring the exact distance between our coffee table and the dog bed with a laser tape measure while our 11-month-old gnawed enthusiastically on a rogue piece of cardboard he'd found behind the router. "I'm setting up...
Note to Self About That Backyard Bunny Incident We Barely Survived
Dear Priya from last April. You're currently standing frozen in the damp Chicago grass, holding a weed whacker in one hand and a half-eaten string cheese in the other. Your toddler is strapped to your back in the ergonomic carrier,...
How to Survive a Husky and a Human Baby Without Losing Your Mind
There's a very specific type of panic that sets in when a fifty-pound sled dog tries to initiate a play-bow with a sleeping infant. You just freeze, calculating the physics of a rapidly wagging tail colliding with a soft fontanelle,...
That Night a Baby Hazel App Cost Me Nine Bucks and Total Sanity
I was elbow-deep in printing shipping labels for my Etsy shop at ten o'clock on a Tuesday night, entirely convinced my four-year-old was dead asleep in his room, when my Apple watch buzzed with an $8.99 charge from the App...
The truth about baby gronk age and our toxic prodigy obsession
The six-year-old was sitting on the examination table with an ice pack on his knee, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else on earth. His dad was standing next to him in full athletic gear, holding a clipboard and...
The Brutally Honest Guide to Buying a Playpen for Babies
My mom texted me "just put the babi in a pen so you can work!" at the exact same moment a twenty-two-year-old Instagram parenting coach popped up on my feed with a beige infographic about how "restrictive containers stifle gross...
What The Trisha Paytas Baby Name Drama Taught Me About Motherhood
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing Dave's oversized college hoodie that smells faintly of old garlic and desperation, sitting on the cold edge of our bathtub because Maya (who's FOUR, oh god, why is she...