Why the baby shark video is actually neurological genius
We're stuck in gridlock on Lake Shore Drive. The smell of three-day-old formula is radiating from somewhere under the passenger seat. In the back, my daughter has initiated the kind of breath-holding, red-faced scream that usually requires a medical intervention....
Why My Wife Wanted the 1980s Baby Shalini Haircut at Midnight
At 1:14 AM on a Tuesday, my wife shoved a glowing iPhone into my face displaying a grainy 1980s photo of a child with a perfectly symmetrical, brutally blunt bowl-cut bob. I was barely conscious, trying to reboot my brain...
Why The Great Baby Oatmeal Cereal Incident Finally Broke My Spirit
It's 11:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm staring at a perfectly spherical glob of beige paste slowly sliding down my otherwise immaculate kitchen window. It hangs there for a moment, defying gravity, before dropping directly onto the cat's head....
A Letter To Past Me About Baby Memes And Surviving Twin Girls
You're currently sitting on the closed lid of the downstairs loo at exactly 3:14 AM. The tiles are freezing against your bare feet, and you're hiding. I know this because I'm you, writing from six months in the future. Upstairs,...
Gerber Baby Contest 2025: A British Twin Dad's Honest Photography G...
I'm currently holding a half-eaten rice cake just out of frame while frantically making a noise I can only describe as a dying pigeon, hoping at least one of the twins will look at the camera for a fraction of...
Decoding The Postpartum Truth In Go Baby Justin Bieber Lyrics
It's 3:17 AM in Chicago. The radiator in my pre-war apartment is hissing, and I'm swaying in the dark with a reflux-prone fourteen-month-old draped over my shoulder. I'm trying to keep my sanity intact. In my right earbud, I'm listening...
Troubleshooting Your Grinch Baby When Holiday Chaos Hits
I'm currently sweating through my favorite flannel shirt while attempting to stuff my eleven-month-old son into a synthetic, neon-green elf costume that has actual jingle bells aggressively sewn onto the collar. He is thrashing around like a fish on a...
I'm a Baby Kitty Where's Mama: Surviving The Feline Phase
My hands were aggressively deep in a bowl of raw ground beef and breadcrumbs when I felt something wet drag across my bare ankle. I didn't even jump. When you've three kids under five, you just accept that random wet...
When Internet Video Game Bugs Cause Panic and Real Wasps Attack
I was standing in the middle of the hallway yesterday, hip-deep in a laundry basket full of unmatched tiny socks, staring down at my four-year-oldβs sticky, peanut-butter-smudged iPad screen. He had left his browser open, and the search history said...