Why Getting A Baby Turtle Is Actually A Terrible Idea For Kids
My index finger is pressed against the remarkably smudged glass of a terrarium at a strip-mall pet store in Beaverton, desperately trying to explain the concept of a "shell" to an 11-month-old who's currently attempting to eat my shoelaces. It...
Why Baby Shower Bingo Actually Saves the Entire Gift Opening Hour
"Don't do games, they're for basic bitches," my sister-in-law hissed at me across a lukewarm plate of mini quiches while balancing a mimosa on her hip. Then my mother leaned in, smelling heavily of Chanel No. 5 and unsolicited judgment,...
My Messy Guide to Surviving All Three Kinds of Baby Sharks
I'm standing in the downstairs bathroom at six in the morning, holding a plastic light-up dinosaur flashlight between my teeth, trying to pry my five-year-old's jaw open while he thrashes around like a feral raccoon trapped in a feed bin....
A Letter to My Past Self About Surviving the Baby Shark Dance
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're standing in the kitchen right now. There's a half-eaten piece of toast on the counter and your chai is stone cold. Your sixteen-month-old is in the center of the living room, bouncing at...
Why I Spent Three Hours Googling Baby Saja Boys At 2 AM
Dear Marcus from six months ago. You're currently sitting in the dark on the nursery floor, the temperature logged at exactly 68.4 degrees, watching the baby monitor app like it's compiling a critical system update. You haven't slept more than...
Dear Jess: Please Stop Panicking About That Prickly Baby Rose Bush
Dear Jess from six months ago, I know exactly where you're right now. You're standing at the kitchen window, staring out at the sweltering Texas yard with a cup of coffee that went cold three hours ago. Youβve got a...
The Truth About the Baby Reindeer Cast Before You Hit Search
I was elbow-deep in a pile of clean laundry that had been sitting on the armchair for four solid days, casually typing "baby reindeer" into my phone with one thumb. I was just trying to find a matching woodland holiday...
Letter to Myself: Surviving the Baby Pukeko Encounter
Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently sitting on the floor of the flat in Hackney, aggressively trying to cram forty-two nappies and a mountain of wipes into a suitcase that was clearly designed for a weekend in Paris,...
Surviving a Baby Praying Mantis Hatch With an 11-Month-Old Kid
It was 6:15 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at a plastic mesh butterfly pavilion on my kitchen counter like I was waiting for a server to reboot. I held a plastic spray bottle in one hand, completely...