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What Nobody Tells You About Having A Premature Baby At 33 Weeks
It was three in the morning on a Tuesday when the bradycardia alarm went off. The overhead lights in the neonatal intensive care unit were that specific shade of hospital fluorescent that makes everyone look mildly deceased. I was staring...
Dear Jess: Surviving the Baby in Yellow Phase (And Other Shocks)
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the peeling linoleum of the downstairs bathroom at 3 AM, holding your three-day-old up to the harsh vanity lights, trying to figure out if you're sleep-deprived and hallucinating or if...
Dear Past Me: The Chaos of Finding a Baby Hedgehog
Dear Sarah from last October, You're currently standing on the back patio holding your third cup of lukewarm coffee, wearing those faded black Lululemons with the tiny hole in the left knee that you swore you were going to throw...
The Myth of Baby Art and How to Actually Survive It
I’m currently staring at a active purple streak on the toe of my left sneaker. It arrived there about an hour ago, during what my wife and I ambitiously labeled "creative enrichment time." The biggest myth of modern parenting—propagated almost...
Letter to Past Me: How to Survive the Real-Life Baby Boss Phase
It’s 6:43 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the cold linoleum of the kitchen floor wearing the grey sweatpants with the mystery yogurt stain on the left thigh, clutching a mug of tepid French roast like it’s a...
Sleep Training a Baby: A Letter to My Past, Severely Exhausted Self
Dear Marcus of six months ago, You're currently standing in the dark, swaying like a drunken sailor on a turbulent sea. You have an 18-pound weight draped over your left shoulder, and your right hand is frantically typing when to...
Why We Traded Stuffy Showers for the Modern Co-Ed Baby Bash
I'm sitting on a pastel-pink velvet chair in a suburban banquet hall watching my cousin unwrap her nineteenth burp cloth. Someone is measuring her waist with toilet paper while a group of aunts I haven't seen since my wedding stare...
What Is An Anchor Baby? Debugging A Toxic Immigration Myth
My 11-month-old son had just figured out how to forcefully eject his mashed peas across our kitchen island when my wife Maya’s college roommate, Sofia, started quietly crying over her water glass. Sofia is six months pregnant. Her husband, Leo,...
Debugging Baby Sun Safety: The Great Sunscreen Firmware Update
There's currently a streak of stark white zinc oxide smeared across the black upholstery of my Subaru, a matching smudge on my favorite dark t-shirt, and a suspicious clump stuck in my eleven-month-old’s left eyebrow. Somehow, despite dispensing what felt...