My 3 AM Battle with the Solly Baby: 15 Feet of Fabric vs Dad
Before my son arrived, everyone had a totally conflicting theory about how I was supposed to carry him around. My sister-in-law told me to just buy a canvas backpack thing with heavy plastic buckles and strap him to my chest...
There Goes My Baby: Surviving the Absurdity of the Newborn Phase
I'm standing in our freezing London kitchen at 4:12 in the morning, holding what appears to be a very angry, red-faced sweet potato wrapped in a slightly damp muslin cloth, when my phone, completely unprompted, shuffles to an R&B playlist...
Troubleshooting the hardware of your very first infant car seat
My wife's contractions were six minutes apart upstairs in room 412 of Legacy Emanuel, and I was down in the subterranean hospital parking garage violently wrestling a molded plastic base into the backseat of my Subaru. The Portland rain was...
How to Choose a Baby Bottle Warmer Without Losing Your Mind
I distinctly remember standing in my kitchen at 3:14 AM with my oldest kid screaming his lungs out in the other room. I was staring bleary-eyed at a frozen bag of breastmilk, listening to the hum of the refrigerator, and...
Why That 81mg Baby Aspirin Bottle Is A Massive Parenting Trap
The digital clock on the microwave read 2:14 AM, the Portland rain was actively trying to dissolve our roof, and my 11-month-old son felt exactly like a MacBook Pro rendering 4K video on your bare legs. I was frantically bouncing...
The babies only survival guide for the newborn trenches
Listen. You're standing in the hospital parking lot, staring at a seven-pound human strapped into a car seat that looks like a NASA prototype, and you're realizing the discharge nurse actually let you leave. They just wheeled you out and...
Finding the Best Adult Bibs for Dignity at the Dinner Table
The gravy hit her white silk blouse before I even had a chance to drop my fork. I'm sitting there at Sunday dinner, wedged between a screaming toddler and my grandmother, watching a massive brown stain spread right across her...
I Survived the Buybuy Baby Relaunch (And My Wife's Registry List)
I was sitting in the driver's seat of my Honda Civic last Tuesday, blinking stupidly at a massive blue and white sign in a New Jersey strip mall, completely convinced I had slipped into an alternate timeline. My wife, Sarah,...
My kid turned into a highlighter (and other early release bugs)
It was day three of parenthood, and I was holding my naked son up to a rain-streaked Portland window like Rafiki presenting Simba, convinced that forty-five seconds of overcast Pacific Northwest UV radiation would magically fix his liver. My wife,...