Why I Googled Beach Baby Onlyfans (And Other Dad Panics)
Before we packed the car for our first family trip to the Oregon coast, I made the fatal error of asking three different people for beach advice. My mother-in-law told me to let the boy run naked in the surf...
The Drowsy But Awake Deception and Other Newborn Survival Lies
I was halfway through singing a deeply out-of-tune rendition of 'Wonderwall' to a tiny human who was aggressively trying to headbutt my collarbone when I realised the greatest lie ever sold to modern parents. It was 3:17 am, Twin A...
The panic over your baby's stomach size (and why I lost my mind)
I was standing barefoot on the freezing kitchen tile at three in the morning, wearing these horrific mesh hospital underwear and a nursing bra that smelled entirely like sour milk and sheer desperation. It was November, so the house was...
What I Got Completely Wrong About Building My First Baby's Layette
I was standing in the middle of our driveway in a pair of Dave's gym shorts that I'd aggressively rolled down underneath my 38-week pregnant belly, holding a tiny, stiff denim jacket with functional metal buttons, and I was just...
The Honest Guide to Surviving Your Baby's Dedication Service
We were standing in the third row of padded chairs, and my daughter was aggressively gnawing on a damp church bulletin. The pastor was three sentences into a long prayer about spiritual legacy, and all I could think about was...
The Truth About Free Baby Quilt Patterns (And What Not to Do)
I'm currently staring at a pile of mangled, vaguely triangular fabric scraps that were supposed to be matching heirloom blankets for the girls. Itβs 11:43 PM. The sewing machine sitting on our dining table is making a rhythmic, grinding noise...
My Essential Baby and Toddler Equipment Lumolog Guide
I was exactly eight months pregnant with my oldest, sitting on the floor of what used to be my craft room, sobbing into a plastic wipe warmer. My husband had just spent three hours trying to assemble a baby swing...
Eruption Cyst Baby: Troubleshooting That Terrifying Purple Gum Bubble
Don't hold a tactical flashlight between your teeth while using a plastic baby spoon as a tongue depressor to examine a dark purple, terrifyingly squishy bubble on your baby's upper gum, because it'll only lead to a frantic attempt to...
How learning the dont worry baby chords fixed our sleep bugs
At 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was standing in the middle of our Portland nursery holding an iPad running a professional-grade decibel meter app in my left hand while frantically toggling between twelve different "womb environment" Spotify tracks with...