Surviving the Hell Baby Phase When You Are Running on Empty
The microwave clock says three in the morning, the only light in your kitchen is the green digital glow, and you're bouncing on a yoga ball so hard your knees ache while holding a rigid infant who sounds like a...
Figuring out exactly how old is lil baby and surviving year one
It's 3:17 AM in Chicago. The radiator is hissing. I'm sitting in a glider that smells faintly of sour milk, staring at my phone. I'm so violently sleep-deprived that I've somehow fallen down a Wikipedia rabbit hole trying to figure...
Ice cube ice ice baby: Why the freezer trend is a terrible idea
When my son cut his first tooth, I got three contradictory texts in the span of an hour. My mother called to tell me to wrap an ice cube in a clean muslin cloth and let him gnaw on it,...
Oh Baby I Love Your Way: How Infants Actually Show Affection
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and the apartment was absolutely freezing. I was standing in the middle of our tiny hallway wearing my husband Daveβs hideous neon orange high school track shirtβthe one that smells permanently...
When Internet Video Game Bugs Cause Panic and Real Wasps Attack
I was standing in the middle of the hallway yesterday, hip-deep in a laundry basket full of unmatched tiny socks, staring down at my four-year-oldβs sticky, peanut-butter-smudged iPad screen. He had left his browser open, and the search history said...
Dear Past Me: Why Finding Your Baby Gang Is Actually Survival
Tuesday. 9:14 AM. You're sitting in the driver's seat of the Subaru outside Target, right? You're wearing the black Lululemons that have that weird, crusty yogurt stain on the left thigh because Leo decided to wipe his face on you...
A Tech Dad's Review of the Baby Einstein Sea Dreams Soother
Last Tuesday, my mom told me to just leave the baby in the crib with a bottle of warm milk, my lead frontend developer swore I needed to strap a vibrating pad to the mattress, and a guy on TikTok...
What A 3 AM Bird Search Taught Me About Surviving The Newborn Phase
I was standing in the kitchen at 3:14 AM wearing my husband's college sweatpants that had this unidentifiable crust on the left knee, vibrating with the kind of exhaustion that makes your teeth hurt. Leo was about four weeks old...
The Tiffany Trump Baby Reality Check: Postpartum Is Just Messy
I was elbow-deep in a diaper blowout at three in the morning when I first saw the announcement. I was wiping zinc oxide off my elbow, trying not to wake my husband, just blindly scrolling my feed. That was when...