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11-month-oldorganic baby clothesparenting humorpop cultureteething
A tired dad holding a smartphone while a baby sleeps in the background

The Late Night Search History of a Clueless Dad

Dear Marcus from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the bathtub at 3:14 AM, the bathroom tiles are freezing your bare feet, and your phone screen brightness is aggressively burning your retinas because you forgot to...

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Dad holding his 11-month-old baby in Portland while researching baby naming trends online.

Lil Baby Real Name & The Glitch Of Naming Your First Human

The intake nurse stood at the foot of the hospital bed holding an iPad like a threat, her stylus hovering over a blank text field while the beeping of the fetal monitor mocked my indecision. My wife was exhausted, heavily...

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11-month-old90s nostalgiababy safetyorganic clothingparenting humor
Marcus looking panicked at a laptop while a baby crawls away

Why The Baby's Day Out Movie Cast Haunts My Anxious Dad Brain

Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago. Put down the lukewarm decaf. You're currently sitting on the couch in our Portland apartment, tracking the room temperature on your phone (it’s 71.4 degrees, which is apparently best) and staring at our...

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11-month-oldeducational toysparenting humorpop culturesafe play
Exhausted dad looking at baby monitor showing a blurry 11-month-old standing in a crib in the dark.

When Your Kid Goes Full Baby Yaga: A Very Tired Dad's Guide

The Nanit camera app on my phone says it's exactly 3:14 AM. My battery is hovering at 12%, and the ambient room temperature is holding steady at 68.4 degrees only because I spent forty minutes calibrating the smart vent system...

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Marcus comparing his 11-month-old daughter to an Arctic marine mammal

My 11-Month-Old Daughter is Basically a 150-Pound Baby Walrus

It’s 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. The glow of my dual monitors is the only light in our Portland living room, casting long, depressing shadows over a floor entirely covered in colorful plastic debris. On the left screen, I've a...

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11-month-oldbaby gearbaby healthmillennialparenthoodsafe play
A bewildered dad looking at his phone while a baby plays on a wooden gym

I Spent Three Hours Researching The Baby Tron (It’s Not A Stroller)

I had my credit card resting on my laptop keyboard, three browser tabs open to tech review sites, and was aggressively searching for the firmware update logs for something called the "baby tron." My teenage nephew had mentioned it at...

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11-month-oldbaby sleepmillennialorganic baby clothesparenting humor
An exhausted dad staring at his phone in the dark while holding a baby

The Reality Behind 'Me As A Baby' Memes: A Letter To Past Marcus

You're currently sitting on the edge of the bathtub at 2:14 AM, staring at the baby monitor app on your phone, trying to figure out why your five-month-old son sounds like a dial-up modem struggling to connect to a bad...

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11-month-oldeducational toysmillennialparenting humorpop culturescreen time
A tired dad holding a remote while his baby plays on a wooden gym.

Why Muppet Babies Is The Only Reboot I Tolerate

It's exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my 11-month-old son is attempting to aggressively eat the Roku remote. I'm running on three hours of fragmented sleep and half a cup of cold, day-old pour-over coffee. The biggest myth they...

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11-month-oldbaby developmentco-parentingfatherhoodparenting humor
First-time dad holding an eleven month old baby while looking confused

The truth about being my baby's daddy: A first-time dad log

I'm currently staring at my 11-month-old daughter while she aggressively tries to jam a wooden block into my lukewarm coffee mug. The biggest lie they tell you about fatherhood is that the "dad instincts" will automatically download into your brain...

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