Magazine
Finding the Best Baby Bouncer When You Just Need a Damn Shower
It was a Tuesday in November, raining sideways, and I was wearing a nursing bra that smelled intensely of sour milk and desperation. Maya was maybe eight weeks old. Leo was three and currently trying to feed the dog dry...
My Search for the Best Baby Books (A Warning to Past Marcus)
Dear Marcus from exactly 182 days ago: I'm looking directly at the memory of you slicing open an Amazon box on the kitchen island at 2:14 AM. It contains six different hardcovers claiming to hold the ultimate algorithm for newborn...
When Pumping Hardware And Hospital Photoshoots Suddenly Collide
The machine strapped to my wifeβs chest sounded exactly like a PlayStation 4 struggling to render a massive game file. It was a rhythmic, mechanical grinding noise that echoed off the sterile walls of our postpartum recovery room. We were...
The Truth About Beechnut Baby Food When You Have Twin Girls
It was 11:43 PM on a Tuesday. The NutriBullet was emitting a high-pitched scream usually reserved for dying spacecraft, and I was standing in my kitchen in nothing but my boxer shorts, covered in a fine, sticky mist of pureed...
Why My Teething Twins Turned Into Beavers (And What I Learned)
The sound woke me at 3:14 AM. It wasnβt a cry, or a whimper, or even that wet, raspy cough that instantly deducts forty quid from your bank account because you panic-buy every brand of vapor rub at the all-night...
The Beanie Baby Ty Debate: Why My 90s Toys Stay In The Attic
I was sitting cross-legged on the splintery plywood of my mom's Texas attic, sweat pooling at the base of my neck while I tried to organize boxes of my old high school junk. My mom, who firmly believes every piece...
Debugging The 90s Plush Stash: The Great Beanie Baby Tag Dilemma
I was sitting cross-legged on the nursery floor at 10 AM on a Saturday, entirely surrounded by a 30-gallon plastic storage bin of my childhood. My mom had just dropped off the "archives," grinning like she had just unburdened herself...
Why Skipper Babysitters Inc Dolls Terrify Me As A Parent
I'm currently on my hands and knees in our London flat, using a high-powered camping headlamp to scan the living room rug for a piece of pink plastic no larger than a grain of rice. The grand parenting lie is...
Banana pancakes for baby: Why my first twin batch was a disaster
The smoke alarm in our London flat has a very specific, piercing shriek that usually only makes an appearance when I attempt to be culinary before 7 am. Tuesday morning was no exception. I was standing in the kitchen, squinting...