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The 3 AM Blowout That Made Me Respect the Newborn White Onesie
It was 3:14 AM. November. I know this because my phone flashlight was blinding me and the digital clock on the microwave was blinking in the background while I stood in the kitchen wearing a fleece Target robe from like,...
The Brutal Truth About Buying Safe Non Toxic Teethers Today
Your mother-in-law is convinced the baby's 102-degree fever and explosive blowout are just teething signs. I've seen a thousand of these exact cases roll through the pediatric triage desk, usually accompanied by a panicked parent holding a drool-soaked infant at...
The truth about tree sap teethers and your baby's weird fevers
I was staring at a thermometer flashing 102.4 in red, convinced my daughter's bottom lateral incisor was trying to kill her. My mother-in-law had already called twice to tell me it was just teething and I should rub a little...
How a Simple Penguin Blanket Saved My Sanity and My Marriage
It was 2:14 AM and I was literally hovering over the Motorola baby monitor, zooming in on my oldest son's pixelated chest to make sure it was still rising and falling. The thermostat in our drafty Texas farmhouse said 62...
The Honest Truth About Organic Baby Bibs (And What To Avoid)
I'm currently staring at a mountain of laundry on my living room sofa, and right on top is a graveyard of those stiff, plastic-backed baby bibs I bought for my oldest son five years ago. Bless his heart, he was...
Fox Blankets: Debugging Infant Sleep Safety and Stroller Heat
My mother-in-law explicitly instructed me to drape the little orange woodland throw over the stroller so the baby wouldn't get a sunburn. A guy in my local Portland dad's Discord server told me doing exactly that would basically create a...
Dear Marcus: Stop Buying Loud Plastic Toys and Read This
Dear Marcus of exactly six months ago, It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. You're standing in the dark hallway of your Portland bungalow, clutching a lukewarm bottle of formula, staring at a flashing plastic boombox toy that's aggressively singing "I'M...
Haakaa Teething Hacks: A Survival Guide to the Drool Apocalypse
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're currently standing in your sister's kitchen at 2 PM on a Tuesday, wearing those gray sweatpants with the mysterious yogurt stain on the knee, holding your screaming six-month-old nephew. You confidently volunteered...
Toddler Sweaters Boy Edition: What Actually Works for Winter
My mother-in-law told me to put three layers of thick wool on him or his lungs would freeze the second we stepped onto the Chicago pavement. The moms in my playgroup swore by fifty-dollar beige cashmere rollnecks that require dry...