Why Peppa Meets the Baby Broke My Toddlers' Tiny Minds
I was wedged into a suspiciously sticky velvet seat at the Vue cinema in Islington, holding a six-pound box of popcorn that Twin A was actively trying to pour into my left shoe, when the disaster unfolded on screen. We...
The Ultimate Play Mat Baby Survival Guide For Exhausted Parents
I'm sitting cross-legged on my faded West Elm rug. Itβs a Tuesday morning in 2017, I'm wearing black maternity leggings that I aggressively refuse to retire even though Maya is four months old, and I'm staring at a flashing, screeching,...
The 3 AM Meltdown That Made Me Believe in Custom Storybooks
It was exactly 3:14 AM. I know this because the glowing red numbers on the alarm clock were burning a hole into my retinas while I sat there nursing a three-day-old infant and chugging day-old cold brew that tasted profoundly...
Why I'm Raising My Panda Baby Without the Helicopter Hover
I'm currently watching my two-year-old drag a heavy oak dining chair all the way across the linoleum, wedge it violently against the kitchen island, and attempt to scale it like he's summiting Everest for a rogue Goldfish cracker that has...
A Letter to My Past Self About This Whole Ozempic Babies Surprise
Dear Jess from six months ago. I see you sitting there on the cold tile of the guest bathroom floor, staring at that plastic stick while the washing machine thumps against the wall so hard it feels like an earthquake....
She Gon Call Me Baby Boo TikTok Trend Nearly Ended Me
I was knee-deep in a pile of unsorted laundryβthe kind of massive, intimidating pile where you honestly can't tell what's actually clean and what has just been worn for five minutes and tossed on the floor by a toddlerβwhen my...
My Utterly Chaotic, Milk-Stained Guide To Sign Language For Babies
Itβs 5:43 AM on a Tuesday in November. I'm wearing my husband Daveβs stained gray sweatpants and a maternity tank top that Iβm pretty sure has been inside-out since Sunday. Maya is exactly eight months and two days old, and...
Surviving Twins With The Skip Hop Baby Activity Center
My mother-in-law arrived on a rainy Tuesday bearing a gift she had unearthed from the darkest, most spider-infested corners of her loft: a wheeled infant walker from 1996. It was a faded neon monstrosity with the turning radius of a...
Why Iβm Actively Trying to Turn My Twins Into Nepotism Babies
I was halfway through a tepid mug of black tea, reading an outrage-bait article about yet another famous twenty-something landing a massive film role simply because her father is a beloved nineties sitcom star, when one of my two-year-old daughters...