Magazine

Confused dad holding a baby wearing a stiff vintage denim jacket

Debugging the Y2K Aesthetic When Your Infant Refuses to Flex

We were at our usual Saturday spot—that overly loud Portland coffee roaster where the tables are made of reclaimed shipping pallets—when my eleven-month-old daughter simply stopped working. Her entire motor function API just failed. She was sitting in her high...

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Twin baby reaching for a wooden hanging toy while lying on an organic cotton playmat.

The absolute madness of tracking baby milestones in year one

I'm staring at a colour-coded spreadsheet at 2:14 in the morning while one of my daughters attempts to eat a rogue piece of lint she found in the folds of my pyjama top. The spreadsheet is titled 'Infant Progress Tracker'...

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Toddler playing with soft building blocks on the floor

A letter to myself before I pressed play on that movie

Dear Priya from six months ago. Listen. Put down the television remote and step away from the streaming menu. I know it's eight in the evening, your toddler has been screaming about steering wheels since naptime, and you're operating on...

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Tired dad in a messy Portland apartment holding a baby wearing an organic cotton bodysuit while staring at a laptop.

The "Baby Daddy" Firmware Update: What I Actually Know Now

3:14 AM. I'm standing in our kitchen illuminated only by the microwave clock, holding a lukewarm bottle of formula, and staring at a Google Sheet I built to track our son's diaper output. The rows are color-coded by consistency. My...

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A stressed mom holding a coffee mug looking down at the nursery baseboards

Finding a Baby Cockroach in the Nursery (And Not Losing Your Mind)

It was 2:14 AM. I was standing in the middle of Maya's nursery wearing Dave's giant, horribly stained Villanova hoodie from 2008, holding a half-empty bottle of breastmilk that had somehow already gone completely cold. I was practically sleepwalking when...

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A tired dad leaning against the kitchen counter next to a Baby Brezza

Surviving Twins with the Baby Brezza Formula Pro Countertop Robot

There's a very specific type of panic that sets in at 3:14 AM when you realise the expensive countertop milk robot you bought to save your sanity might actually be watering down your babies' food. I was standing in the...

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Sleep-deprived dad staring at a Baby Brezza Bottle Washer Pro on a kitchen counter

Why the Baby Brezza Bottle Washer Pro ruined my kitchen sink

It's 3:14 AM. The yellow glow of the kitchen extractor fan is casting long, dramatic shadows across the worktop, and my left sleeve is completely soaked in tepid, sour-smelling milky water because I didn't roll it up high enough. I'm...

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Tired dad looking at a baby monitor screen in a dark Portland nursery

Debugging the erratic hardware of your newborn's respiratory system

My mother-in-law confidently told me that if the nursery is completely quiet, the baby is sleeping perfectly and I should go make a sandwich. My lead developer at work, however, told me that I needed to purchase a hospital-grade under-mattress...

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Dad looking bewildered while trying to diaper a baby boy in a leg cast

A Letter to Past Me About The Baby Boy Cast (And Pee Fountains)

Hey man. It's you from six months in the future. You're currently sitting in room 3 at the pediatric orthopedist in downtown Portland, sweating straight through your flannel shirt, watching a technician wrap your five-month-old's lower half in what looks...

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