Magazine
Yellowstone Panic, Iron Deficiencies, And Cooking A Baby Bison
I'm sweating entirely through my gray t-shirt. The ergonomic carrier is digging a trench into my left shoulder blade. My 11-month-old son is happily attempting to rip my nose off my face, completely oblivious to the threat matrix unfolding exactly...
The Great Debate Over Baby Birkenstocks And Tiny Cork Sandals
My mother-in-law sent me a link to some terrifying, Victorian-looking orthopaedic boots at 7:00 AM on a Tuesday, insisting the twins needed them the second they pulled themselves up to stand. That same afternoon, my NCT mate—a lovely woman who...
What I Wish I Knew Before Buying a Bike Seat for My Baby
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the concrete floor of the garage, sweating through your favorite oversized t-shirt in this humid Texas heat, trying to decipher an instruction manual that appears to be written entirely in...
Why Your Outdoor Baby Bee Sting Panic Is Statistically Flawed
We were sitting on a patch of semi-dry grass at Laurelhurst Park, and I was holding a lukewarm pouch of what the label optimistically called baby beef and sweet potato puree. My 11-month-old son was violently refusing the spoon, slapping...
Letter to Past Marcus: Debugging the Baby Bed Infrastructure
Dear Marcus from six months ago, I'm writing this to you while you're currently sitting cross-legged on the nursery floor, staring at a stripped Allen wrench at 2:00 AM. You're probably sweating. You've got a level pressed against a mattress,...
Dear Past Me: Surviving a Baby Bed Bug Nursery Infestation
Dear Past Jess, It's 3:14 AM. You're standing in the middle of the nursery in your mismatched pajamas, holding your phone flashlight exactly two inches from the crib mattress, trying your absolute hardest not to wake the baby or hyperventilate....
The absolute chaos of the home baby ball pit (and why we caved)
"Get them a tub of plastic spheres," my mother-in-law announced over Sunday roast, waving her fork for emphasis, "it tires them out." "Don’t you dare," warned Clara from my NCT group a week later, eyes wide over her flat white,...
Why Baby Assassins Nice Days Is Not Family Movie Night Material
The greatest lie modern streaming platforms tell us is that an algorithm knows what you want to watch at 8:14 PM on a Tuesday, when you've precisely forty-two minutes of consciousness left before your brain liquefies. The second greatest lie...
Baby Aspirin During Pregnancy: What My OB Actually Said
My mother-in-law told me eating papaya would cause an immediate miscarriage. A holistic momfluencer on TikTok swore that any over-the-counter painkiller would permanently alter my unborn child's DNA. Then my OB-GYN sat across from me at fourteen weeks, slid a...