Magazine
That time my twins found a baby cardinal in the garden dirt
"Put the potato down, Florence," I said, barely glancing up from my lukewarm cup of tea. We were two weeks into our summer holiday visiting my wife’s parents in upstate New York, and my primary goal for the afternoon was...
The Marshmallow Myth And The Truth About Baby Car Seat Covers
I was standing in our gravel driveway at seven in the morning, holding a screaming toddler who had somehow locked all his joints so he resembled a rigid, puffy starfish. It was 38 degrees in rural Texas, which meant the...
Baby By Justin Bieber: From Pop Song To Real Parenting
It was 3 AM, the house was entirely silent except for the hum of our busted AC unit, and I was desperately trying not to drop my firstborn child. Hunter was screaming like I had personally offended him by offering...
A 3AM Panic, A Baby Bush Hospital Article, And Surviving Twins
It was 3:14 AM on a wet Tuesday, and the frankly demonic electronic voice of a cartoon panda driving a baby bus was the only thing preventing my left arm from going entirely numb. Zoe was wedged firmly in my...
Surviving a City Baby Bus Ride Without Losing Your Damn Mind
It was 4:17 PM on a Tuesday in November, raining sideways, and I was standing on the corner of 4th and Pike wearing a giant, puffy green coat that made me look like a highly aggressive olive. Leo was six...
The Michelin Man Dilemma: Why Puffy Winter Baby Suits Terrify Me
November 2022. It's three degrees above freezing in the Sainsbury’s car park, a uniquely British kind of damp cold that seeps directly into your bones. I'm sweating profusely through a thin t-shirt while trying to forcefully fold my six-month-old daughter,...
Protecting Against Baby Bugs Without Losing Your Mind
My mother-in-law swore by a homemade paste of turmeric and neem oil that stained every piece of clothing we owned bright yellow. The incredibly put-together mom at our local park told me I just needed a proprietary blend of lavender...
The Baby Buddha Breast Pump: A Dad’s Guide to Troubleshooting
It was 3 AM, and I was holding a pair of digital calipers, trying to measure my wife's nipples to the exact millimeter while she glared at me from the edge of the bed. This isn't exactly how I pictured...
The 3AM Pumping Crisis and the Tiny Machine That Saved Us
The kitchen tiles in our London flat are roughly the temperature of a mortuary slab at 2:14 in the morning. I know this because I was lying face down on them last Tuesday, desperately searching for a microscopic silicone membrane...