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Why My Kid's Vintage Birthday Twin Toy Is Banned From The Crib
My wife Sarah caught me in the glow of my dual monitors at 2:14 AM, hovering my cursor over a "Buy It Now" button for a twenty-one-year-old stuffed tiger. I was holding our eleven-month-old in my left arm, furiously typing...
Taylor Swift And Baby That's Show Business For You: A Mom's Take
There's this massive, steaming pile of a myth out there that the second they put a squirming, screaming newborn on your chest in the hospital, your brain just instantly deletes all pop culture knowledge to make room for the lyrics...
Troubleshooting the Nostalgia of a January 11th Beanie Baby Toy
It was 10:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I was deep into a terminal window trying to figure out why our staging environment kept throwing 502 gateway errors. My 11-month-old son, Leo, was finally asleep after what I can only...
The 3 AM Nostalgia Spiral and the January 10th Beanie Baby
I was wearing my husband Dave's college sweatpants—the ones with the mysterious bleach hole near the left knee—balancing a lukewarm mug of dark roast on my nursing pillow, while frantically refreshing an auction site on my phone. My left breast...
Hudson Baby Bourbon: The Nursery Mixup and Parenting Nightcaps
Listen. Don't show up to my cousin's baby shower in Naperville with a bottle of 92-proof craft whiskey just because you typed the registry name into your phone too fast. I've seen a thousand wild things during my shifts on...
How long do baby birds stay in the nest before flying away?
"Don't touch it, the mother will smell your grubby little hands and disown it forever!" I shrieked, lunging across the damp London grass with the grace of a man who hasn't slept a full night since the twins were born...
Half Angel Baby Anime Trends: My 2 AM Online Shopping Confession
Dear Sarah from last October. It’s 2:14 AM. You’re sitting on the cold kitchen tiles in those grey yoga pants with the mysterious yogurt stain on the left knee, drinking coffee that went cold six hours ago. Maya, who's somehow...
Goro and Tropi Blowjob Baby: A Toddler Internet Safety Nightmare
It was 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the flat was freezing because our boiler has the temperament of an aging rock star. I was standing in the kitchen, staring intensely at the kettle, willing the water to boil through...
Viewing Baby Rabbit Growth Stages Without the Toddler Chaos
Don't, under any circumstances, take twin two-year-olds to a local petting farm during birthing season. We were knee-deep in Somerset mud last Tuesday when Twin A locked eyes with a newborn kit, let out a war cry that rattled my...