Dear Me: Put Down the Flashing Plastic Crap in That Toy Store
Dear Sarah from six months ago, It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday. You're currently standing in Aisle 14 of that massive, soul-crushing infant toy store off Interstate 80. You're wearing those black lululemon leggings with the mysterious yogurt stain on...
The reality of newborn wardrobes and the toy box triage
I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant sitting on the floor of the nursery folding a pair of microscopic stiff denim jeans. I actually ironed them. I think about that night a lot. I think about how profoundly stupid I was to...
The Messy Truth About Ditching the Plastic Jungle for a Wooden Play...
I was sitting on the floor of my living room at two in the morning, nursing my oldest son, Beau, while a plastic mechanical toucan aggressively flashed red and blue strobe lights into my sleep-deprived retinas. The toy was attached...
The Great Green Baby Panic: A Father's Descent Into Eco-Parenting
I was standing in our galley kitchen at 3:14 a.m., holding a disposable nappy that smelled vaguely of industrial solvent, when I realised my twin daughters were going to single-handedly destroy the ozone layer. Florence was screaming from the bassinet...
Ditching the Cringe: Baby Shower Activities People Actually Like
I was standing in my sister-in-law's cramped kitchen, holding a flimsy plastic spoon, trying to scrape melted, lukewarm Snickers out of a newborn diaper while seven women I barely knew stared at me in absolute silence. The chocolate had congealed...
Why the Dust Baby Meme is Harmless but Your Floor is Toxic
I'm currently sitting on the floor at eye level with the baseboards, watching a shaft of afternoon Portland sunlight illuminate roughly ten million floating particles in our living room, while my 11-month-old daughter tries to eat a grey fuzzball she...
Why I Swallowed My Pride and Bought Himalaya Dolphin Baby Yarn
I was sitting on the cold linoleum of my laundry room—which doubles as the shipping department for my tiny Etsy shop—staring at an $80 pile of imported raw wool that had just turned my oldest son’s neck into a patchy,...
The Truth About Kirkland Baby Wipes: A Letter to My Past Self
Dear Sarah from June 2024, You're currently sitting on the cold kitchen floor in those faded black Lululemon leggings that have a questionable hole near the seam, holding a cup of lukewarm coffee you poured at 8 AM, and you're...
Debugging the Pinterest Algorithm: Our Boy Baby Shower Theme Saga
It was 10:42 PM on a Tuesday when the algorithm finally broke me. My wife, Sarah, was asleep on my shoulder, but her phone was still unlocked in her hand, illuminating the dark bedroom with an endless, scrolling matrix of...