The Have a Baby With Me Daniel Caesar Lie You Actually Believe
I was sitting in my Honda CR-V in the garage with the engine off. It was a Tuesday. My toddler was finally asleep upstairs, and I was just staring at the steering wheel while the Bluetooth kept playing whatever Spotify...
What the Gracie Abrams Nepo Baby Drama Taught Me About Parenting
I was sitting in the driver's seat of my Subaru in the Target parking lot at roughly 4:15 PM on a Tuesday, wearing gray sweatpants that had an unidentified—and honestly, highly suspicious—stain on the left knee. It was like 84...
My Kids Discovered Britney Spears Baby One More Time (Oh God)
It was exactly 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in front of the coffee maker wearing my husband Dave's old Syracuse sweatpants—the ones with the mysterious hardened yogurt stain on the left knee—when I heard it. Maya,...
Why You Need a Baby Sign Language Chart in Your Kitchen
I was standing barefoot on a kitchen floor completely covered in soggy, half-chewed Cheerios, furiously tapping my fingertips together at my red-faced nine-month-old while yelling over his screams about how he just needed to do the little hand thing if...
Where Do Babies Come From: Surviving The Ultimate Toddler Question
We're idling on the Kennedy expressway, somewhere near the loop, when the question hits the back of my head like a stray wooden block. She's pointing out the window at a heavily pregnant woman walking a golden retriever. She looks...
When "Baby Please Don't Go" Means "Please Stop Giving Me Advice"
I was standing in aisle four of Target, holding a half-empty iced vanilla latte that I had honestly forgotten paying for, while my four-month-old daughter Maya tried to literally eat my hair. She was wearing this pale yellow onesie that...
Writing Honest Baby Shower Greetings When Your Mind is Blank
Dear Jess from six months ago, I know exactly where you're right now. You're sitting in the sweltering driver's seat of your Honda Odyssey in the Target parking lot, the air conditioner blasting directly into your face while you try...
The Panic-Sweat Guide: Explaining How Babies Are Actually Made
It was a Tuesday morning, exactly 8:14 AM, and I was standing in line at our local bakery wearing a pair of black leggings that I hadn't washed since the weekend. I was holding a terrifyingly hot Americano in one...
Why Super Creek Goo Goo Babies Isn't The Parenting Trend You Think
I was elbow-deep in a basket of mismatched toddler socks yesterday, trying to figure out how a house with five people produces seventy-three single left socks, when my fourteen-year-old nephew snorted from the couch. He was supposed to be helping...