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A Dad's Guide to Surviving the Chunky Knit Sweater Trend
It was a standard damp November Tuesday in Portland when my kid’s winter wardrobe triggered a minor family crisis. My mother texted me a photo of my son in a thin cotton bodysuit with the caption, "Put a thick sweater...
Baby Rompers Changed My Life: Why I Threw Away All My Infant Pants
Seven years ago, it's 3:14 AM. I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor of my daughter Maya’s nursery in a stained, oversized Nirvana t-shirt, weeping silently while trying to pull a pair of miniature, stiff denim jeans over a bulging, blowout-level...
The Day a Snapless Sweater Romper Broke My Parenting Firmware
I'm standing in the incredibly cramped, dimly lit bathroom of a Stumptown Coffee on Belmont, holding my 11-month-old son suspended in mid-air like a ticking bomb. He has just experienced a Level 4 containment breach. The payload has escaped the...
The Truth About Baby Rompers And The Blowout That Broke Me
It was a Tuesday in April, raining that stupid sideways rain we get in the spring, and I was hiding in the single-stall bathroom of a Starbucks with my four-month-old daughter Maya. I was wearing a silk blouse. I don’t...
The Brutal, Messy Truth About Surviving Baby Onesies
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, roughly six weeks into the twin experiment, and I was holding a small, violently crying creature at arm's length. The issue wasn't the crying (I'd grown accustomed to the acoustic assault), but rather...
My 11-month-old's baby boy socks are a hardware flaw I finally fixed
I'm currently staring at a pile of exactly fourteen orphan pieces of miniature footwear on my living room rug. My son is eleven months old, which means we've dropped roughly 1.2 items from our inventory every single week since we...
How to Survive the Baby Blue Tuxedo Phase Without a Meltdown
There I was, standing in the vestibule of St. Jude’s Catholic Church at exactly 1:42 PM on a sweltering Saturday in May, trying to peel a 100% rigid polyester jacket off my screaming eighteen-month-old son, Leo. My own dress—some floral...
The Utter Absurdity of Buying a Baby Golf Outfit for Toddlers
I’m currently watching my two-year-old daughter, Florence, attempt to swallow a brightly coloured plastic golf tee while her twin sister, Matilda, aggressively reverse-crawls her way out of a sand bunker. We’re at a rather stiff, overly manicured Surrey golf club...
Black And White Stripped Leggings Baby: A 3 AM Survival Guide
The radiator in our Chicago apartment was making that metallic clanking sound it only makes when the wind chill hits negative twenty. It was 3 AM, and I was running on maybe forty minutes of broken sleep. I was sitting...